


Head Over Heels

by baby2steph



Category: GOT7
Genre: Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, JJP as Bambam and Hyunjin's parents, M/M, Markson as Yugyeom and Youngjae's parents, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-03-18 07:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13676640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baby2steph/pseuds/baby2steph
Summary: Bambam is stupid. And Yugyeom is stupidly in love with him.





	1. Best of Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Finally I can share this story with all of you! My very first YugBam fics! And yes, they are the main pairing here. I hope you'll enjoy this.   
> The whole of my story, the whole of my heart ❤

* * *

It's six and a half in the morning when Yugyeom arrived at Im's house. He parked his old bike in the garage and then walked to the front door. He rang the bell and waited for a few seconds before the door was being opened. Im Hyunjin, Bambam's younger brother, showed up with a grumpy face.

 

“Bam is still sleeping.” he said. “Why do you always come early?”

 

Yugyeom laughed. He ruffled Hyunjin's hair gently but the kid shoved him away, pouting at him.

 

“Stupid Yugyeom! You ruined my hair!” He whined, fixing his hair. Yugyeom chuckled.

“Good morning to you too, kid.”

 

Hyunjin grunted. He turned around, letting Yugyeom in. Jinyoung was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for his family. Yugyeom walked to him and gave him a back hug, startling Jinyoung.

 

Yugyeom gave him a quick peck on his cheek.

“Good morning, Umma.”

Jinyoung pinched Yugyeom's hands that were around his waist playfully.

“You startled me!”

 

Jinyoung scolded him but after that he turned around, taking Yugyeom's face in his hands and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead.

 

“Good morning to you too, Gyomie,” he said. “Go upstairs.”

“Okay.”

 

Yugyeom ran upstairs, heading to Bambam's room. Without knocking—Yugyeom had the spare key that's why—he pushed the door open. Bambam was sprawled out on the bed, snoring softly with his mouth half opened. Yugyeom giggled. His best friend looked so cute when he was sleeping. Actually only Yugyeom had this thought because other people, especially Hyunjin, agreed that Bambam looked ugly because his face was greasy when he was sleeping and his drool in the corner of his mouth—sometimes in his cheeks—was disgusting. But of course, Yugyeom would never listen to any of it because to him, Bambam was cute and that's final.

Yugyeom walked toward the bed. He rocked Bambam's body gently.

 

“Wake up, midget.”

Bambam didn't move at all. Yugyeom tsked, rocking his body harder.

“Midget, you need to wake up right now.”

Bambam whined. “Go away, Yugyeom~”

 

He rolled around, lying flat on his stomach with hands up around the pillow and his head turned to one side. Yugyeom crouched down, facing Bambam's ugly— _cute_ —face. He brushed his bangs away.

 

“Come on, Bam. I will piggyback you to the bathroom.”

 

Bambam whined again. He blinked his eyes, looking at Yugyeom with half-lidded eyes.

 

“Carry me?”

Yugyeom smiled at his cute best friend.

“Always.”

Bambam yawned, wide and loud. “Okay.”

 

He held out his hands to Yugyeom as his friend helping him to sit on the bed. Bambam had both of his eyes closed when Yugyeom pulled his body forward, hoisting him up on his back. Bambam wrapped his hands around, nuzzling his face on Yugyeom's neck. Yugyeom carried Bambam to the bathroom effortlessly but then he purposely grunted to annoy his best friend.

 

“You're getting fat, midget. Ugh, you're heavy.” He said, faking a breathless sound.

Bambam slapped his shoulder. “I'm not!”

“You are!”

Bambam whined. “Shut up, giant.”

 

Yugyeom laughed loudly. Once they are inside the bathroom, Yugyeom settled Bambam on top of the closet. He took a toothbrush and spread some toothpaste on it. After that, he knelt on one knee in front of his best friend.

 

“Here,” he gently shoved the toothbrush into his hands.

“Be quick, okay? I'll be downstairs if you need me.”

Bambam nodded.

“Okay.”

 

Yugyeom smiled. He lunged forward and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead before he got up and left the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

Fifteen minutes later, Bambam running down the stairs with his backpack slung over one shoulder. Yugyeom hissed when Bambam almost tripped over his own feet.

 

“Midget, be careful!” he scolded him.

 

Bambam grinned innocently, showing his white teeth. He fastened his walk and then sat next to Yugyeom. All of his family members were already there, ready to have a breakfast.

Yugyeom and Bambam always went to school together. Their house was only five blocks away, that’s why it was easy for Yugyeom to come back and forth at Im’s. Every morning Yugyeom would come here, making sure his best friend was well prepared before they went to school. Because Yugyeom always came early, he ended up having breakfast with Ims—except on weekends, of course.

It was a routine. Yugyeom had been doing it since they were in elementary school. He did everything willingly. Even though Bambam was super lazy and they ended up coming late to school more often than not, Yugyeom was happy. The thing about Yugyeom was he would do anything for Bambam. It was to the point that it wasn’t even surprising when Yugyeom showed up at an ungodly hour in front of Im’s house just because Bambam needed him at the moment. As long as it’s Bambam, he would be really happy to do anything with or for him.

After they had finished breakfast, Yugyeom and Bambam kissed Jinyoung and Jaebum goodbye. They didn’t kiss Hyunjin because that kid had exclaimed ‘I’m old enough not to receive kisses so leave me alone’. Only Jinyoung got to kiss him—Hyunjin loves his mother a little bit too much but honestly he was such a mama’s boy.

 

“Midget, come on. We’re late!”

 

Yugyeom yelled at Bambam who was still struggling to wear his old faded converse—it was a birthday present from Yugyeom three years ago but Bambam it looked so dirty because he rarely washed it. Yugyeom was already sitting on the bike seat, waiting for his best friend.

 

“I’m coming!”

 

Bambam ran toward him. He quickly settled himself on the passenger seat behind the rider. Bambam wrapped his hands around Yugyeom’s waist as he slowly paddling down the street.

 

* * *

 

Yugyeom put the second tray on the table and then sat down. Jungkook and Chan looked at him weirdly.

 

“This is for Bam, right?” Chan asked as he pointing the tray that filled with Thai food.

Yugyeom nodded.

“Yes.”

“I wonder why Bambam never buys his own food.”

 

Jungkook added, looking at Yugyeom with narrowed eyes.

 

“Because he has me,” Yugyeom answered calmly like it explained everything.

“Exactly,” Chan said. “You guys are so weird, you know.”

Yugyeom frowned.

“What’s so weird about buying food for your own best friend?”

“Because you only do that for Bambam! You’re not even his boyfriend.”

“Jungkook, he is my best friend.”

Chan sighed.

“Yugyeom, what if he has a boyfriend someday?”

 

Yugyeom chocked on his chocolate shakes. He coughed loudly but both of his friends just looked at him, waiting for an answer.

 

“ _What?_ ”

Jungkook sighed, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You are not aware, aren’t you?”

“What? What exactly are you trying to say?”

“Bambam is, to put it simply, crazy but attractive.” Chan said. “A lot of people are trying to hit on him, you know. It’s just a matter of time until he will eventually on a relationship.”

“What will you do if Bam gets himself a boyfriend or girlfriend?”

 

Yugyeom stopped chewing his food. He never thought about it before. What if Bambam has a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend? Those thoughts were never crossed his mind before but now that he’s thinking about it, he felt weird. But Bambam was his best friend. If a boyfriend or girlfriend would make him happy, then Yugyeom should be happy for him too, right?

 

“He is my best friend,” Yugyeom repeated it for the nth time. His voice was somewhat uncertain like he’s trying to convince himself rather than stating the fact.  “If he’s happy, I’m happy.”

 

Jungkook and Chan didn’t say anything in return. They continued eating in silence. But after a while, Yugyeom couldn’t stop fidgeting in his seat. He was worried because Bambam hadn’t shown up. Bambam said he needed to go to the bathroom but it’s been ten minutes. Yugyeom was afraid that his best friend might have a bad stomachache and he wasn’t there to help him.

Yugyeom abruptly got up from his seat.

 

“I need to go.”

Jungkook lifted his head up.

“What? But he was gone for like ten minutes. Just wait here.”

“That’s too long! What if something bad happens to him?”

Chan shook his head. “Go, then. Shush!”

 

Yugyeom didn’t need to be told twice. He quickly left the table, leaving Jungkook and Chan behind. After Yugyeom was out of their sight, both Jungkook and Chan sighed loudly.

 

“Stupid Yugyeom,” Jungkook muttered. “When will he realize his own feeling?”

“I told you. He loves Bambam.”

“And I told you that both of them are stupid.”

 

The thing about Yugyeom was he never realized that he treated Bambam differently. He didn’t realize just how possessive and protective he was to his best friend. Bambam was small and Yugyeom was twice bigger than him. His best friend was easily got lost in the crowd. That was why Yugyeom would always hold his hands when they were walking in the crowd. Bambam was thin and he would trip when people bumped into him. There were times when they had to take bus or train and if there wasn’t any seat left, Yugyeom would cage Bambam’s thin and slender body in his arms, protecting him like a mother hen. And because Yugyeom was taller, Bambam could lean his head against his chest comfortably. Sometimes he would fall asleep while standing and Yugyeom had to carry him home.

People thought their friendship was weird. But Yugyeom and Bambam never pay attention to any of it. What’s more important was the fact that they love each other. It was completely normal to love your best friends, right?

 

The first time Jungkook knew the duo, he asked Yugyeom, “Are you and Bambam dating?”

“Of course not, Jungkook. We’re best friends!”

 

But unfortunately, Jungkook didn’t believe him. No one believed him.

 

* * *

 


	2. When Ignorance Is Torture

* * *

 

At first, Yugyeom didn't like Chan. Bang Chan was a transfer student from Australia. He was in the same class with Yugyeom and Bambam. When Chan showed up for the first time in their class, Bambam was fascinated with the way he spoke in English. Bambam had always wanted to improve his speaking skill so he followed Chan everywhere. Chan was new and he couldn't speak Korean at that time. He was more than happy when Bambam approached him first because his best friend spoke in fluent English—his English had always been good ever since he was still in kindergarten.

They started to spend more time together. Bambam would stay in school a little bit longer to teach him Korean lessons. And in return, Chan would teach him how to speak English like a native speaker.

Yugyeom was pissed but he never showed it. He would silently wait for Bambam. Even though he didn't like Chan, he would never let his best friend come home alone. But one day, Bambam came to Yugyeom and told him that they couldn't come home together because Chan wanted to treat him. Yugyeom was stunned when he heard that. They always come home together since kindergarten—it was a routine. It was their thing. How could Bambam ditch him for that weird kid with weird curly hair? Yugyeom just couldn't accept it.

 

“I'm sorry, Gyeom. But I'll make it up for you tomorrow, okay? I'll treat you to your favorite Jihal Bros.”

 

Bambam tried to touch Yugyeom's arms but he roughly pushed him. Bambam froze on his spot, his eyes widen. He looked at his friend, bewildered.

 

“Gyeom...”

“Whatever, Kunpimook. Just go with this Bang kid or whoever you like. I don't fucking care.”

 

Bambam gasped. Yugyeom never called him ‘Kunpimook’ unless he was very mad. And he just cursed. Yugyeom never cursed before. Did he do something wrong? Bambam was about to ask him but Yugyeom already left. He didn't even look back when Bambam tried to call his name.

That day, Bambam went home alone. He canceled his plan with Chan. When Jinyoung asked him why he didn't come home with Yugyeom, he just shook his head wordlessly. Yugyeom never knew but that day, Bambam locked himself in his room, crying his eyes out.

 

* * *

 

 

They fought from time to time but it never lasted for more than three hours. They couldn't stay away from each other for too long. When they fought, they would quickly apologize to each other—it was usually always Yugyeom who would apologize first no matter who was at fault. But after that day, they didn't talk to each other for almost a week. Which was surprising, even their parents were worried because it was unusual for them to get mad at each other for that long. Yugyeom had stopped coming to Im's house. He was still mad and this time it should be Bambam who had to apologize to him first.

They also didn't eat at the same table during lunch breaks. Yugyeom would eat with Jungkook meanwhile Bambam was with Chan. The whole school was shocked when they saw Yugyeom and Bambam sat on the different table. It never happened before. They were inseparable. People were wondering what could possibly happen to their unbreakable friendship.

Jungkook and Chan tried to get them to talk but they were stubborn. Yugyeom didn’t want to approach him first. Actually, Bambam wanted to talk to him but he didn’t know how. So he just waited for Yugyeom to approach him. 

At first Yugyeom thought that Bambam deserved it. But after three days, he started to notice something different with his best friend. Bambam started to wear a hoodie to school—it was actually Yugyeom's hoodie. Bambam borrowed it but he never returned it. The hoodie looked bigger on Bambam. It wasn't that big, it was Yugyeom's size. But since Yugyeom was bigger and taller than him, it looked twice bigger when Bambam wore it.

Bambam never took off his hoodie even during classes. And he always covered his head with the hood, hiding his face almost entirely. It was strange to see him wearing a hoodie in such hot weather. Yugyeom knew that something was wrong with him. But Yugyeom's pride didn't allow him to approach his best friend first so he stayed silent.

His parents noticed their fight almost immediately. At first they didn’t say anything. But one night when they had dinner together, Mark finally brought the topic about Bambam.

 

“Is Bammie busy with school lately? Why he never comes here again?”

Yugyeom snorted.

“Who? I don't have a friend named Bambam.”

 

His family gasped, looking at him in disbelief. Something was definitely wrong between those two. Yugyeom didn't say anything so Youngjae decided to explain it to their parents. He knew because Yugyeom told him few days ago.

 

“Yugyeomie was mad because Bammie has been spending so much time with this new transfer student from Australia named Chan.”

“Ah,” Mark said. “You're jealous.”

Yugyeom chocked on his favorite dumpling. He looked at his mother with wide eyes.

“What? Ma, what are you talking about? I'm not jealous!”

Youngjae snorted beside him. “You're in denial.”

“Shut up, Youngjae!”

“Gyeomie, it's Youngjae hyung for you.” his mother scolded him gently.

 

Yugyeom sulked even more. Jackson who had been watching his family finally spoke.

 

“So, this Chan boy is from Australia?”

“Yes, Baba.” Youngjae replied.

“That means he's good in English, then.”

Mark hummed. “Bambamie likes guys who can speak English, right?”

 

Yugyeom groaned.

 

“Stop, all of you. Don't talk about that stupid kid again!”

“He's not stupid. But you are!” Youngjae exclaimed. “Baba and Mama have been telling you to improve your broken English but you never listen. No wonder Bammie doesn't find you attractive.”

“But I'm good in Chinese!” Yugyeom snapped at his brother. “And I don't care about Bambam and his stupid crush for Chan, okay?”

“He has a crush on Chan?” Jackson gasped dramatically. “Wang Yugyeom, you should have made a move on Bambam years ago! Now he has a crush on someone else.”

 

Yugyeom turned to his father, jaw-dropping.

 

“Baba, he's my best friend! Stop talking nonsense!”

“Oh, so now Bammie is your best friend again? You said you didn't have a friend named Bambam.” Mark teased him. Yugyeom whined at his mother.

“Ma, stop,” he said. “You guys are not helping, okay? I'm leaving!”

 

Yugyeom got up from his seat and quickly ran upstairs without finishing his food.

 

“He still didn't get it,” Youngjae muttered under his breath. “Stupid Yugyeom.”

Mark smiled. He ruffled his hair gently.

“He will, sunshine. Just give him some time.”

Jackson chuckled. “He is cute though. Confused with his own feeling.”

 

* * *

 

It was 2 in the morning when Jinyoung called Yugyeom, telling him that Bambam had a fever since yesterday and it’s getting worse. Yugyeom was fast to get off the bed. He grabbed his jacket and ran to the front door. He didn’t have to tell his mother because things like this happened from time to time. If the next morning they couldn’t find Yugyeom in his room, they knew there was only one place to look for him.

Ever since they were still kids, Bambam’s parents would always call Yugyeom when their son was sick because apparently only Yugyeom could make him felt better. Bambam didn’t need medicines. He only needed his best friend and after that he would get better—magically, as impossible as it sounded.

Ten minutes later Yugyeom arrived at Im’s house, breathless. He didn’t have to knock the door because Jaebum was already on the front door, waiting for him. He looked tired and worried.

 

“Yugyeom-ah,” Jaebum sounded relief when he saw Yugyeom. He beckoned him to come inside.

“Appa, where is he?”

“Upstairs,” he said. “He has been calling your name in his sleep. Come on.”

 

Yugyeom climbed the stairs two at a time, leaving Jaebum behind. When he finally on Bambam’s room, Jinyoung and Hyunjin were already there. Jinyoung was sitting on the bed, stroking Bambam’s head gently. When Hyunjin saw Yugyeom entered the room, he got up from his seat.

 

“This is your fault, stupid.” He said angrily.

Yugyeom looked at him confusedly.

“What?”

“Hyunjinie, it’s not the right time to argue about this,” Jaebum said. “Let’s go. Let Yugyeomie take care of your brother.”

 

Hyunjin nodded reluctantly. He glared at Yugyeom and purposely bumped their shoulders, making Yugyeom stumbled back—seriously how an eleven kid like him could have so much strength inside his tiny body?

 

“Gyeomie, you’ll take care of him, right?”

Yugyeom nodded. “Yes, Umma.”

 

Jinyoung kissed both Bambam and Yugyeom goodnight before leaving the room. After everyone was gone, Yugyeom carefully climbed on the bed next to his best friend.

 

“Bam?”

 

Bambam whined when Yugyeom pulled his body against his chest. He slowly opened his eyes and found Yugyeom was staring at him.

 

“Yugyeomie?”

Yugyeom smiled. “Hey, it’s me. How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts,” he whined, snuggling closer to him.

Yugyeom chuckled.

“That’s normal, midget. Now, sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

 

Silence.

They didn’t say anything for a while. Yugyeom stroked Bambam’s back gently. Bambam wrapped his hand around Yugyeom’s waist, silently listening to his heartbeat.

As they lying comfortably on the bed, Yugyeom felt guilty for not knowing that his best friend was sick. It was his fault. He should have approached him and asked him what was wrong when Bambam started to wear a thick hoodie to school. He knew something was off but he was ignorant. Hyunjin was right. It was his fault. Bambam was sick because of him.

Yugyeom was about to apologize when suddenly Bambam’s voice broke the silence.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to ignore you, Gyeom. Please don’t get mad at me. I’m so sorry.”

 

Bambam started to sob and Yugyeom was fast to take his face in his hands. His heart ached when he saw Bambam’s eyes filled with tears. He hated to see him crying.

 

“Bam, no. Listen,” he gently wiped the tears from his face. “I’m sorry. It was my fault. I was stupid. I was just… jealous. I was afraid you would forget me because you have Chan now.”

 

Bambam blinked at Yugyeom. Suddenly he wailed and started to punch Yugyeom’s chest.

 

“Stupid!” he sobbed. “Stupid Yugyeom! Stupid—”

 

Bambam couldn’t finish his sentence. He wailed again, wrapping his arms around Yugyeom’s neck in a chokehold and sobbing into his throat. Yugyeom wrapped his arms around his tiny waist, rocking him gently.

 

“Yes, I am. I’m so stupid.” He whispered, kissing his hair softly. “I’m sorry, midget.”

 

Bambam pulled his face from Yugyeom’s neck. He lifted his head up, looking at his best friend. Tears overflowed from his eyes without warning, gushing down his face. Bambam looked ugly but Yugyeom stared at him like he was the most beautiful creatures in the universe.

 

“N-no,” he shook his head. “I’m sorry. I was stupid too, you know. I’m so sorry, Yugyeom.”

Yugyeom wiped the tears from his cheeks with his fingers.

“It’s okay. We’re good now, right?”

 

Bambam nodded as he scrubbing the back of his hand against his swollen eyes. Yugyeom chuckled. Bambam looked so cute right now with his bird-nest hair and flushed face.

 

“You need to sleep now.”

“Okay.”

 

They were curled up on Bambam’s bed, intertwined as much as it was possible. Hours later when Jaebum and Jinyoung came to check on them, they found his son lying across Yugyeom’s chest comfortably. He looked so peaceful and safe in Yugyeom’s arms.

But the next morning when Yugyeom woke up, his temperature rose above its normal range and he was sweating a lot. Jinyoung called Mark, telling him to come to his house because Yugyeom had a high fever.

That day, Yugyeom and Bambam didn’t go to school. They spent the whole day together, running around the house and playing games. They were sick but incredibly happy because they were back to each other again.

 

* * *

 


	3. A Question

* * *

Puberty hit Yugyeom like a truck. After he turned sixteen, he was six feet tall. His voice started to change. It was deep and low and his baby cheeks were gone. His eyes became clearer, his jawline sharper, and he grew some muscles on his arms. Bambam always complained because his body was still the same. He only grew five inches since last year and his body was still thin. Yugyeom would always reassured him that his body size has a lot of advantages. He explained that because Bambam was small and tiny, it was easy for Yugyeom to carry him on his back. He could still sit on Yugyeom's lap or his father's. Every time someone teased his height, Yugyeom would always carry him on his back and telling him that he's happy with Bambam's body size. Strangely, it never failed to make Bambam felt a lot better.

Yugyeom was also popular in high school. He was the dance club leader. His team brought many trophies for school. He was loved by teachers and had a lot of admirers.

One afternoon when Yugyeom, Bambam, Chan, and Jungkook were having lunch on the cafeteria, suddenly a girl named Chaeyoung from dance club approached their table. She was their junior.

 

“Yugyeom sunbaenim, can we talk?” she asked shyly.

Yugyeom lifted his head. He looked surprised when he saw Chaeyoung.

“Please?” she pleaded when Yugyeom didn't give him an answer.

He nodded woodenly. “Okay.”

Yugyeom turned to Bambam.

“I'll be back soon.”

 

Bambam glanced at Chaeyoung briefly who was busy staring at his best friend, completely awes trucked.

 

He turned to Yugyeom and nodded.

“Ung~”

Yugyeom ruffled his head gently before he got up from his seat.

“Another love confession.” Jungkook said after Yugyeom and Chaeyoung were gone.

 

Chan patted Bambam's shoulder gently.

 

“Don't worry. He will say no to her.”

“He can never say yes.” Jungkook added.

Bambam looked at his friends weirdly.

“I'm not worried. You guys are so weird.”

“If you said so, Bambamie~”

“Don't start, Chan.” he replied in English.

Jungkook sighed. “Honestly, when will you and Yugyeom—“

 

Jungkook didn't finish his sentence because Chan abruptly kicked his legs under the table, stopping him from talking.

 

“What? Me and Yugyeom what?” Bambam asked confusedly.

 

Chan glared at Jungkook, silently telling him not to say anything stupid. Jungkook gulped. He shook his head at Bambam.

 

“Nope. Nothing.”

Bambam narrowed his eyes at him.

“Are you hiding something from me?”

“What? No! Trust me, it's nothing.”

“Ugh, whatever then.”

 

A few minutes later Yugyeom was back with a straight face. He wordlessly sat next to Bambam.

 

“Did you accept her confession?” Bambam asked as he chewing his food. He just couldn’t help but ask.  

 

Yugyeom turned to him but he didn't say anything. Instead, he reached out to wipe the corner of Bambam's mouth.

 

“You are so messy.”

Bambam pouted.

“Gyeom, I'm thirsty~ I want strawberry milk.”

Yugyeom chuckled. “Okay, Your Highness. Wait here.”

 

Bambam grinned widely at him and gave him a quick peck on his cheek.

 

“Thank you, giant!”

“Anytime, midget.”

 

Jungkook and Chan made a face at them. They would never understand the kind of friendship Yugyeom and Bambam had.

 

* * *

 

“Let's go to Thailand!” Bambam blurted out suddenly.

 

They were watching a drama in Yugyeom's room. The school breaks had started two days ago but both of them didn't really have any plans for the holidays. They ended up stayed at home, doing nothing.

Yugyeom didn't even glance at him when he answered.

 

“Okay.” He said.

Bambam whined. “Yugyeom, I'm serious~”

Yugyeom sighed.

“I know. And I said okay.”

 

Bambam crawled onto his lap, settling himself on Yugyeom's hip. He took Yugyeom's face in his hands, forcing Yugyeom to pay full attention to him.

 

“Yugyeom, I'm serious. Let's run away to Thailand together. Just you and me. This Saturday.”

 

Yugyeom chuckled. He flicked his forehead gently.

 

“Why are you always suggesting us to run away?”

He giggled.

“Because it's fun!”

“Can we at least tell our mothers?”

 

Bambam shook his head firmly.

 

“No! We are going to run away, remember?

He laughed. “Okay, okay. You win.”

Bambam gasped.

“You're completely okay with that? No back outs, you know.”

 

Yugyeom nudged Bambam's nose playfully.

 

“Yes, midget. I'm serious. We're going to Thailand this Saturday.”

 

Bambam couldn't contain his happiness. He kissed Yugyeom's cheeks with a loud noise—he did that on purpose—and hugged him tightly. Bambam was lucky to have a best friend like Wang Yugyeom and he loved his best friend so much.

 

* * *

 

Yugyeom bought the tickets for him and Bambam with his own money. It became a habit for Yugyeom to never let him pay. Every time Chan and Jungkook complained why Yugyeom always treated Bambam differently, he answered that he took full responsibility for his best friend. After that day no one was questioning Yugyeom's special treatment of Bambam.

They had everything planned. Yugyeom and Bambam took the earliest flight to Thailand. When Saturday finally rolled around, they successfully sneaked out at dawn when everyone was still sleeping. Bambam left a small note on his desk, telling his mother that he was on the way to Thailand with Yugyeom and that they would be back on Sunday morning. Bambam knew his mother wouldn't freak out. As long as he's with Yugyeom, his parents wouldn't mind at all.

They took a taxi to the airport. Bambam didn't have to bring something because Yugyeom already took care of everything. He didn't even bring a backpack because his best friend already brought one. When they finally seated in the economy section of Korean Air making its way to Suvarnabhumi, Yugyeom let Bambam sleep on his shoulder.

After five hours plane ride had ended, Yugyeom gently shook his best friend's body. The reason why Yugyeom said yes in a heartbeat when Bambam had asked him to run away together to Thailand was that his best friend could speak Thai fluently. Bambam had a cousin from Thai and when his family came there, he picked up the language naturally.

 

“All right, midget,” Yugyeom said once they were outside the airport, ready to explore Bangkok. “Now that we are here, you lead the way.”

 

Bambam slung his arms around Yugyeom's neck—he had to tiptoe slightly because of their height difference—and winked at him playfully.

 

“We're going to have so much fun today!” he exclaimed excitedly.   

 

* * *

 

They went to Wat Phra Kaew first which was located inside of the Grand Palace in the heart of the Old City district of Bangkok. Bambam has always wanted to go there and Yugyeom was more than happy to follow his best friend. Before entering the temple, they had to remove their shoes and place them on a rack. There were so many people there that they could barely move. Yugyeom instinctively walked in front Bambam, shielding him from the crowd.

Wat Phra Kaew was stunning to see even though it was quite small. Bambam asked Yugyeom to say prayers with him in the temple. They sat next to each other, legs neatly tucked. Bambam placed his hands together centered in front of his chest with fingertips pointing up toward the chin and told Yugyeom to do the same. Bambam bowed his head forward until the index fingertips touched the tip of his nose. He was so quiet and calm.

Yugyeom looked at his best friend and he was stuck with amazement and admiration. Usually Bambam was loud and noisy. He always did something crazy and he didn’t know when to shut his mouth. But at this very moment, he looked so peaceful. The sunlight was setting behind his back and Yugyeom found himself entranced by the way it lighting up his face. His best friend looked so soft and so delicate it knocked him breathless.

Bambam turned to him and gave him a soft smile. Yugyeom unconsciously held his breath. At that time, when he looked at Bambam’s eyes, he could feel his heart beat a little bit faster.

 

“Gyeom, come one.”

 

Bambam’s voice brought him back to the present. Yugyeom blinked at his best friend and nodded woodenly when Bambam pulled him up. They spent the whole afternoon exploring the temple. They didn’t take pictures, silently enjoying the paintings and pagodas that were aesthetically pleasing. When Bambam’s stomach growled, Yugyeom took him to the nearest Thai restaurant.

They ordered Bambam’s favorite dishes: Yum Woon Sen, Kow Neuw Som, and Tum Yung Kung. Yugyeom was having a hard time to pronounce the dishes, it was difficult but his best friend made it sound so easy. He said it smoothly, fluently, and effortlessly.

Bambam explained the dishes to Yugyeom excitedly. He talked faster when he was excited and Yugyeom hardly understand what he was talking about. But he felt content to see him eating happily like that. He was happy because his best friend was happy.

 

Yugyeom looked at his best friend fondly.

“You eat so well, Bam. Do you want me to order more food?”

Bambam shook his head.

“No~ it’s enough.”

“Okay then.”

 

After they had finished their lunch, they went straight to National Gallery, just beside the Khao San Street. This time they took a lot of pictures there. Yugyeom’s camera was ready to capture everything. As the sun finally had set on the horizon they headed out to the Khao San Street, enjoying the lively walkway. It was their final destination. They didn’t have a lot of time and they still had to catch their flight at 11 p.m.

Yugyeom let Bambam bought anything he wanted and opened his wallet for him willingly. When the ladyboys tried to approach Yugyeom, Bambam would cling to him, silently telling them that his best friend was off the market.

Bambam was happy. He kept stuffing his mouth with street food, not properly chewing then getting chocked when he tried to swallow. Yugyeom smacked his head, scolding him to eat properly. They spent two more hours wandering around Khao San Street before heading to the airport, ready to go home.

They arrived in Seoul at dawn. When they were finally in front of Im’s house, Bambam took one of Yugyeom’s hands, swaying it slightly.

 

“Yugyeom-ah,” he said in a soft voice. “Thank you.”

Yugyeom smiled, ruffling his head gently.

“No need, midget. Now, get inside. You need to take a rest.”

 

Bambam took a big step toward him. He stood on tiptoe to kiss his best friend on the cheek, right on his pimple. And then he ran to his house, leaving him behind. Yugyeom blinked, his face flushed. By the time he had arrived at his home and lay comfortably on his bed, a question flashed through his mind.

Was it possible to fall in love with your best friend? 

* * *

 


	4. An Answer

* * *

At first, things were okay between Yugyeom and Bambam. After they came back from Thailand, Yugyeom tried so hard not to think about his feelings to his best friend because he wasn't completely sure about it. Jungkook and Chan noticed that something was off with Yugyeom but they didn't say or ask anything. They knew Yugyeom would eventually come to them and tell them whatever it was that bothered his mind.

Yugyeom was certain that everything would be okay. They had been friends since they were in kindergarten and nothing really changed between them. And Yugyeom thought, as long as he could be with Bambam as a friend, it was enough for him. But deep down he knew that it was just an excuse. Yugyeom wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to lose his best friend.

But one day Bambam suddenly showed up at his house, looking so beautiful with his tousled hair and his eyes were crinkled in a beautiful way it knocked Yugyeom breathless.

He didn’t know that his best friend could give such huge effect to him.

 

“Hi, Yugyeom!”

“Hi,” he managed to say. But then Yugyeom frowned at his friend. “You look… happy. What happened?”

 

Bambam nodded enthusiastically. Once they were inside the house, Bambam ran to the kitchen to greet Mark.

 

“Mama! I’m here!”

Mark turned around and he smiled brightly when he saw Bambam.

“Bambam! Where have you been? Mama missed you so much, honey.”

 

Mark turned off the stove. He walked to Bambam and hugged him tightly. Bambam giggled when Mark showered his face with kisses.

 

“I’m sorry, Ma,” he said earnestly.  “I was busy with school and club. Where’s Pa?” 

“He is in his room. Working.”

“Where’s Youngjae hyung?”

“He is playing a video game in the living room,” he said. “Do you want to eat something, baobei? I will cook for you.” 

“I want to eat dumpling!”

Mark chuckled. “Dumpling it is.”

“Thank you, Mama!”

 

Bambam kissed Mark’s cheek before he dragged Yugyeom to go upstairs. Once they were in Yugyeom’s room, Bambam turned to his friend with a big smile on his face.

 

“Gyoem, I have very good news!”

“What is it?”

“Junho asked me on a date! He will pick me up tonight! I want to burrow your hoodie. Please pleaseee pleaseee let me borrow it, yeah?”

 

Yugyeom’s heart stopped for a moment. His world stopped to revolve for a moment. Semicoherent sentences tumbled around his head, but he couldn’t keep up with any of them long enough to spit one out.

He looked at Bambam. His best friend was grinning from ear to ear—a silly smile that made him looked like a child, which he didn’t normally allow himself to do because he wanted to look like an adult. Yugyeom hadn’t seen it for a while but now he showed it and that was because of someone else. Something deep inside of Yugyeom lurched.

 

“Oh,” Yugyeom was struggling to form a sentence. He blinked at his best friend. “That’s… great.”

Bambam’s smile flattered. “You’re not happy.”

“What? Of course I am!” he tried so hard to pull a smile, trying to look as happy as he could but his stomach twitched in an unpleasant way.

“Bam, that’s really great. Congratulations! Which hoodies do you want to burrow?”

 

Bambam looked at his eyes, like he’s trying to search something but Yugyeom didn’t let him. BamBam looked like he wanted to ask something but Yugyeom was already walking to his closet, searching for a hoodie—honestly his hoodies weren’t Bambam’s size but it still looked good on him. They fit perfectly into his small body.

 

“Gyeom?”

 

Yugyeom jumped when suddenly BamBam was right behind him. Bambam tugged on Yugyeom’s t-shirt and forced him to turn around. Yugyeom unconsciously held his breath when Bambam’s face was so close to his.

 

“Are you sure you okay?” he suddenly asked.

 

What was that meant? Why was he asking him a vague question like that? Was Yugyeom okay?

No. He wasn’t.

But he didn’t know why he felt this way—okay, he knew but he wasn’t certain. He didn’t trust himself. But that wasn’t important. What’s more important now was Bambam, right now, right here, looking at him worriedly. He looked so happy a moment ago but Yugyeom ruined his happy moment.

 

“Congratulations, Bam. I’m happy for you.” He said, smiling faintly.

Bambam looked convinced enough. He smiled again.

“Thank you!”

There was a lump in his throat but Yugyeom tried to swallow it down.

“Bam,” he started slowly, his chest tightened but Yugyeom knew he needed to let it out. “Do you… like him?”

 

It was quiet for a moment. Bambam didn’t answer his question right away. But when he looked at Yugyeom, there was a twinkle in his eyes and it instantly shattered Yugyeom’s heart.

 

“I think… yes.” He answered in a whisper.

 

Yugyeom’s world crumbled down right at the moment and he couldn’t bring himself to reply his best friend. He smiled instead, faint but sincere. And that moment, Yugyeom realized something.

There was the thing he has been trying to ignore. The thing he shouldn’t want. The thing he couldn’t have. And he was standing right in front of Yugyeom right now. He was something Yugyeom wished for. Someone he knew he couldn’t have. 

That someone was BamBam. He was Yugyeom’s best friend.

And he was out of reach.

 

* * *

 

Bambam spent another three hours at Yugyeom’s house. He left early because he needed to prepare himself before Junho picked him up. Yugyeom walked him home. But he was quiet, silently listening to his best friend. Bambam couldn’t stop talking about Junho. He was excited because this was the first time he would go on a date with someone. Bambam didn’t know about it but Yugyeom knew that actually his best friend was very popular in school. He just didn’t notice it.

If Yugyeom was popular because of his dance skill and his handsome feature, Bambam was popular because he was cute and lovely. He was small and it made people wanted to protect him. He was also the founder of fashion club in school. He gained respect from his peers after he held his first fashion show in school. It was a big success and fashion club was now one of the most prestige clubs in school.

Yugyeom tried so hard not to think about them. He tried not to think about Bambam and Junho together. Did Junho know that his best friend needed to wear at least two layers of clothes even when it was summer? Did he know his best friend liked street food more than fancy dishes in restaurant? What would they do on their date? Would they hold hands? Or… kiss?

Something twitched inside him and he felt sick just to think about it. No, don’t think. Don’t…

 

“Gyeom?”

 

Bambam’s soft voice brought him back to the present. He blinked and realized that they were already in front of Im’s house.

 

“Sorry.” He said sheepishly.

“You are awfully quiet tonight. Are you sure you okay?”

 

Yugyeom wished his best friend stopped asking him that. He wasn’t okay. He liked his best friend. He had fallen in love with someone who was standing right in front of him. But Bambam didn’t have to know about that. He didn’t have to know that it killed Yugyeom to know that he was going on a date with someone else. Someone that wasn’t him.   

 

“Yes,” it was a lie. He smiled. “So, when will Junho arrive?”

Bambam suddenly looked uncomfortable. Yugyeom immediately sensed that something was off.

“What is it?” he demanded.

“Actually… he will not come here.”

Yugyeom frowned. “What do you mean? He asked you to go on a date, right?”

“Yes! But he can’t come here. My parents won’t let me go. You know Appa. He will interrogate Junho to no end and I don’t want to scare him. So we will meet on the subway.”

Yugyeom didn’t like that idea.

“Then what will you say to your parents if they ask you where you go?”

 

Bambam bit his lips. He looked at Yugyeom’s eyes and he knew he didn’t have to explain everything because Yugyeom knew him very well.

 

“No.” He said firmly.

“Please?”

“I’m not going to lie to your parents.”

Bambam clutched his best friend’s arms. He whined.

“Gyeom, pleaseeeeee~ just for this one? Please? For me?”

 

Yugyeom closed his eyes. He was so, so weak for his best friend. He groaned, knowing perfectly that he could never say no to his best friend.

 

“Fine, midget.” He finally said.

“YES! You are my very best friend!”

 

Bambam cheered in delight. He threw his arms around Yugyeom’s neck, hugging him tightly. The sound of his laughter made Yugyeom’s heart twitched painfully. Why did he fall in love with his best friend?

 

“Go,” he said after Bambam released him.

“Okay. Bye, Gyeom!”

 

Yugyeom waited until Bambam went inside. He stood there for a moment, looking at his small figure that was slowly vanished from his vision. He thought about how things changed so quickly and now he was scared. Yugyeom was scared and he didn’t what to do.

On his way back to home, Yugyeom decided that he would do anything to make his best friend happy even if that meant he would break his own heart. As long as Bambam happy, that’s all that matter to him.

 

* * *

 

When Yugyeom came home, his mother was in the living room, watching his favorite drama. He walked toward him and sat down beside him. He let out a big sigh, feeling mentally exhausted. His mind couldn’t stop thinking about Bambam and Junho. He wanted to stop but he couldn’t.

 

“Gyeomie, what’s wrong?” his mother asked worriedly.

 

Yugyeom settled himself in his mother’s lap. Mark stroked his head gently. For a moment Yugyeom felt like he was five again and right now he just wanted to let out everything.

 

“Ma?”

“Yes, baby?”

 

Yugyeom was silent for a long time. His mother waited for him patiently. He didn’t ask. He didn’t push him. Yugyeom was grateful to have a mother like him.

At last, Yugyeom sighed.

 

“Ma, I like Bambam.”

Mark chuckled. “I know. Everybody knows.”

“Ma, I like him,” he repeated it firmly and desperately. “I like Bambam. I like my best friend. Ma, I fall in love with my own best friend.”

 

Mark froze. He looked down at Yugyeom, mouth slightly opened.

 

“Ma, please say something.”

“Yugyeom….” He started slowly, blinking at his son. “You finally realized it?”

Yugyeom looked at his mother, bewildered. He was quiet for a very long moment and then he sighed helplessly.

“You knew.” He deduced. His voice was barely a whisper but Mark heard him. “You knew it.”

 

Mark shifted closer to his son. He took Yugyeom’s face in his hands.

 

“Yugyeom. Everyone knows that you are in love with Bambam. Your father, your brother, even your grandparents know it. Everyone knows but you.”

“But… how…”

Mark smiled. “Gyeom, you look at him like he is the center of your universe. Ever since you were a little, your world only revolves around him.”

 

Yugyeom closed his eyes. He felt like crying now.

 

“But that doesn’t matter now.” He muttered in a low voice.

“What do you mean?”

“Ma, he’s going on a date with this guy from Rugby Club. I don’t want to say his name.”

Mark stunned. He didn’t say anything and that made Yugyeom more anxious.

“Ma, Bambam and I are best friends. We’re best friend! But I like him more than that. Don’t you think it’s weird?”

 

Mark finally blinked. He looked at Yugyeom. His son looked insecure and afraid. Mark wanted to tell him the truth. He wanted to tell him so badly but he knew he couldn’t. It was something Yugyeom and Bambam needed to work out.

 

“Yugyeom-ah,” he said softly. “It’s not weird, baby. Not at all. What’s wrong with falling in love with your best friend? We all do. Your father and I were best friends before we got married. Jinyoung and Jaebum were best friends ever since they were little, just like you and Bam. And if this will make you better, just know that sometimes love doesn’t always come in convenient package.”

 

Yugyeom lunged forward and threw his arms around his mother’s waist, hugging him tightly. He was bigger and taller than his mother but he clung to him like a little child.

 

Mark squeezed him gently.

 

“You’re going to be okay, honey.”

“I hope so, Ma,” he whispered, wishing he could believe his mother.

 

But deep down he knew he wasn’t going to be okay. It wasn’t okay and Yugyeom needed to do something.    

 

* * *

 


	5. A Betrayal

* * *

Bambam was officially dating Kim Junho, the captain of Rugby Club. The news spread like wildfire. Everyone talked about it. But Yugyeom was the first one to know. Bambam called him last night. He told him that Junho asked him to be his boyfriend and Bambam said yes. Of course he said yes. Yugyeom congratulated him. It took all energy he had in him to say it, to sound happy for his best friend even though he was dying inside.

That night, as Yugyeom lay helplessly in his bed, he realized that he liked Bambam so much he actually felt miserable. But they were just best friends. The word tasted bitter on his tongue. Yougyeom hadn't even let himself think about it until now. Every single part of him wanted to take the word back but he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. And it made him felt more miserable.

It took him hours to fall asleep. When he woke up, his head throbbed painfully. His mother was worried sick about him. After Yugyeom told him everything, he was grateful that his mother didn’t throw him a pitiful glance. He was being supportive. He kept the secret to himself and he didn’t bring the topic when they were having breakfast together. When Yugyeom was about to leave the house to pick up his best friend, Mark hugged him a little bit longer and tighter than usual. Yugyeom hugged him back almost as tight. He needed support and that’s exactly what his mother gave. Yugyeom was beyond thankful to him.

When they arrived at school, Bambam was quick to go. He said that he needed to meet Junho first. Bambam promised him that they would have lunch together and Yugyeom could only nod.

But he didn’t come.

He didn’t show up. Bambam had texted Yugyeom, telling him that he was with Junho right now. Yugyeom couldn’t bring himself to reply his text.

Yugyeom ended up eating his Jihal Bros alone. He was waiting for Jungkook and Chan. But when they came, they looked like furious. Chan sat down quietly but Jungkook slammed his tray on the table, clearly pissed.

 

“Tell me it isn’t true,” Chan said. The blood had drained from his face. “Wang Yugyeom, tell me it isn’t true!”

 

Yugyeom sighed. He knew his friends would be surprised. And honestly he didn’t have enough energy to talk about it but he nodded anyway.

 

“Yes, Bang Chan,” he said, letting out a tired sigh. “Yes, it’s true.”

Chan groaned. Jungkook snorted.

“I can’t believe this,” Jungkook said. “Bambam and Junho? Unbelievable.” 

“They can’t be together.”

Yugyeom frowned. “Why not?”

Chan didn’t answer him but Jungkook just blurted it out.

“Because you like Bambam, stupid! You like your best friend and your best friend likes you and you guys are supposed to be boyfriends. There. Satisfied?”

 

Chan gasped. He kicked Jungkook’s legs under the table but Jungkook didn’t budge. Instead, he looked at Yugyeom, waiting for him to say something.

But Yugyeom was silent. For a moment, he thought that Jungkook was joking. But he wasn't. Jungkook's expression was serious, and it looked like he expected a serious reply but Yugeyom was very, very thrown.

 

He swallowed. “Excuse me?”

Chan sighed. “You like Bam and you know it, right?”

He swallowed again. So his friends knew. Oh, of course they knew.

Jungkook groaned. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.”

 

Yugyeom blinked. His friend was right. He was stupid. But there was nothing he could do right now.

 

“Forget it. He has a boyfriend now. And I'm his best friend. I'm going to support him.”

“Liar.” Chan hissed, clearly didn’t believe him. Yugyeom didn't say anything but he knew his friend was right.

“Bambam doesn't like Junho.” Jungkook said.

Yugyeom snorted. “Ha-ha. Then why is he dating him, Jeon Jungkook?”

“He is right," Chan added. "I saw them this morning. They look...”

“Happy? Glowing? Perfect for each other?”

"Shut up, shit head." Jungkook spat. “They look weird, okay? Weird.”

“Listen, I appreciate your effort to make me feel better. But I'd rather not to talk about it at all.”

 

Yugyeom sighed, he was mentally exhausted. He looked down and frowned at his food tray, toying with his food. His appetite was gone. For a moment, Jungkook and Chan didn't say anything. They exchanged a worry glance.

 

“Hey,” Jungkook finally said after a long moment of silence. Yugyeom only hummed in response.

“I didn't say it to make you feel better. I'm telling you the truth. He doesn’t like Junho. He only thinks he likes Junho.”

Yugyeom sighed desperately. “Jungkook, please—“

“It’s true,” Chan cut him. “He likes you. Bambam likes you.”

 

Yugyeom froze. Several seconds passed. His eyes were fixed on his food tray.

 

“He's not.”

"Yes, he is."

“No,” he paused. His heart hammered painfully against his chest, and then he spoke slowly. “He doesn't like me. He likes Junho.”

 

Jungkook wanted to say something but Chan stopped him. And they didn't talk after that.

That day Yugyeom didn't finish his lunch and went to the class alone.

 

* * *

 

It’s been almost a week but Bambam hadn’t told his family that he was dating Junho. Bambam knew he couldn’t lie forever. He was bad at keeping secrets. His parents would eventually know that he had a boyfriend and Bambam didn’t want them to know from someone else. So he decided to tell his family when they were having dinner.

 

“Umma?”

Jinyoung looked up from his food. He smiled. “Yes, baby?”

 

Bambam gulped. He never talked about boyfriend stuff before. He was certain that his parents never against the idea of him having a boyfriend. But his father was strict. And Jaebum was a very protective father. But Bambam has a boyfriend now. He needed to be honest.

 

“What is it, baby?”

He sighed. “Umma, Appa, I have a boyfriend.”

 

Silence.

It was dead silence after that. Bambam looked at his parents, looking at their horrified expression. Even Hyunjin looked stunned by his confession. Bambam bit his nails, waiting anxiously. Jaebum was the first one to break the silence. But he frowned and Bambam knew it wasn’t a good sign.

 

“Boyfriend? Who?”

Bambam gulped. “Junho. His name is Junho. He is my friend from Rugby Club.”

“Not Yugyeomie?”

Bambam looked at his mother confusedly.

“What? No! Umma, Yugyeom is my best friend. We’re friends.”

“You know,” Hyunjin suddenly said. “You are my brother but I have to admit that you are the most stupid person I’ve ever known.”

 

Bambam was fast to turn to his little brother.

 

“What?” he looked confused and angry. “Hyunjin, I swear—“

“Why are you dating this Junho guy? Do you like him?”

“Hyunjin-ah,” Jaebum tried to warn his youngest son. “Don’t start.”

 

Bambam’s body was shaking with fury.

 

“I’m dating Junho because I like him. You know nothing so shut up!”

“Liar!”

“Hyunjin!” Jinyoung reached out for his youngest. He shook his head. “Baby, don’t. You can’t talk to your brother like that. It’s rude. Apologize to him, baby.”

 

Hyunjin turned to his mother.

 

“But Bambam is stupid, Umma.”

Bambam hissed. “Im Hyunjin, what’s your problem actually? Spill it!”

“You don’t like him!” Hyunjin shouted at his brother’s face. “You don’t like this Junho guy because I know you like a certain dumb giant, stupid!”

Bambam was stunned. “What?”

 

Hyunjin huffed. Jinyoung and Jaebum knew they couldn’t stop Hyunjin at this point. Their youngest son would never stop before he let out everything.

 

“What do you mean? Who?”

Hyunjin snorted. “Yugyeom.”

 

For the first time in several minutes, Bambam was thrown.

“What do you mean, I like Yugyeom?”

"Obviously.”

 

Bambam’s confusion turned into fury. He got up from his seat and ran to his room without eating his dinner. Jinyoung and Jaebum sighed.

 

“Hyunjinie.” Jinyoung said softly. “You can’t just do that to your brother. It’s rude. He has a boyfriend now. You need to respect his decision, baby.”

“But—“

“No buts.” Jaebum cut him off. “You still have to apologize to your brother.”

 

Hyunjin groaned but didn’t argue. He knew better not to do it because his father was scary when he’s mad.

 

“Stupid Bambam,” he muttered under his breath. “It’s all his fault. Ugh, stupid!”

 

* * *

 

 

Yugyeom tried his best to distract himself. He didn’t want to think about his best friend. He didn’t let his mind drifted to him. Bambam was busy with his fashion club. He was planning to make his last fashion show before he graduated from school. But apart from that, his time was for Junho. They rarely talked now. Despite this complication—knowing he had been falling in love with his best friend all this time, knowing his best friend had a boyfriend, and knowing perfectly that he was out of reach—they were still best friends. They used to spend all the time together but now Yugyeom didn’t even remember when was the last time they talked.

He missed his best friend. He missed going home with him, missed waking him up in the morning, and he missed sneaking out at nights when both of them were stressed. But now Bambam didn’t need him to wake him up. He didn’t Yugyeom to pick him up or walked him home. It wasn’t Yugyeom’s job anymore. Bambam had Junho, his boyfriend. He didn’t need Yugyeom anymore. He didn't want to admit it but that hurt. It definitely hurt, more than he expected.

Yugyeom wanted to talk to him about things. He needed to tell him about something. His stomach twitched in an unpleasant way to just thought about it. But he had to. He ran out of time.

So after days without talking to each other, Yugyeom asked Bambam to go home with him. He was surprised when his best friend said yes right away. After the bell rang, Yugyeom waited in front of his class.

 

“Yugyeomie!”

 

Bambam ran to him and threw his arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Yugyeom let out a sigh of relief. He put his arms around Bambam’s waist, hugging him back as tight. It’s been awhile and Yugyeom couldn’t even describe just how relieved he was to be able to have him in his arms again. He could smell his shampoo, it was strawberry, fresh and it smelled incredibly good, and the smell of his perfume calmed him. The air smelled like his best friend and Yugyeom found himself buried his face in his hair, inhaling his scent and he felt like a creep now.

 

“I missed you,” he whispered in his ears.

“Me too.” He whispered back. And it was nice to finally say something true.

 

They walked home together. It felt nice. They talked about everything, catching up. Fortunately, Bambam didn’t talk about Junho. Instead, he rambled about how excited he was about the upcoming fashion show. Yugyeom loved to see the twinkle in his eyes whenever he talked about something he liked, his passions. His eyes would shine brightly and he looked breathtakingly beautiful.

But then Yugyom remembered the reason why he asked Bambam to come home with him in the first place. Right, he had something to tell.

 

“Bam?” he called when they were finally in front of Bambam’s house.

“Yeah?”

“I need to tell you something.”

Bambam frowned. “You aren’t coming?”

Yugyeom shook his head. “I have something to tell you.”

“We can talk inside.”

Yugyeom bit his lips. “I don’t think you want me inside once you know what I am about to say.”

Bambam grew anxious.

“What is it, Gyeom?”

Yugyeom braced himself. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

“Bam, I’ve decided to continue my college in LA.”

 

The words stung. It tasted bitter on his tongue and it pained him. Yugyeom tried to steady himself. He felt dizzy. It was physically hurt to look at his best friend but he had to tell him the truth.

Bambam didn’t say anything. He looked at Yugyeom, bewildered and confused at first. But then the realization finally hit him. He looked up and it shattered Yugyeom’s heart when Bambam looked at him with that kind of look—betrayal, hurt, and anger.

 

“No,” he sounded panic. “No, Wang Yugyeom. Don’t lie to me.”

Yugyeom swallowed. “I’m sorry.”  

“No, no!” Bambam wailed.

 

He took two big steps toward him. They were standing face to face now.

 

“You can’t speak English!”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t like to go abroad alone.”

“I’m sorry.”

 

Bambam’s eyes brimmed with tears and his voice broke when he spoke.

 

“Liar!” he punched Yugyeom’s chest. Tears were rolling down his cheek. “You never tell me about your plan to study aboard. You’re lying, right? Tell me you are lying, Wang Yugyeom!”

 

Yugyeom felt like someone just stabbed him with a dull knife, straight to his heart. He didn’t mean to hurt his best friend like this but he knew he needed to go.

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

Bambam wailed louder. He shook his head frantically.

“I don’t believe you,” he sobbed. “Yugyeom, please tell me it isn’t true.”

 

Bambam gripped Yugyeom’s arms so tight it hurt. Yugyeom forced down the lump in his throat. He could hear something shattered inside him when he finally let out the truth.

 

Yugyeom’s eyes stung with tears. “I’m sorry, Bam.”

 

Bambam stumbled back, looking so hurt and betrayed. He burst into racking sobs. Yugyeom tried to reach for him but he ran. Bambam ran to his house. He didn't look back, so he didn't see the tears spilling down Yugyeom's face.

 

* * *

 


	6. Afraid to Love

* * *

Bambam felt dizzy. He was stumbling toward home. It felt like someone was clawing at his stomach, his chest, his heart. Like his insides were being ripped from his body and stitched to his skin.

How could he? How could his best friend say those things to him? He lied. He didn't want to go abroad. Bambam knew Yugyeom didn't like to go abroad. But why did he tell Bambam that he was going to LA?

Bambam wanted to crawl into bed and disappear. He didn't want to see anyone. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He didn't want to think or do anything. He clutched his chest. He couldn't breathe. Tears overflowed from his eyes. He couldn’t stop it.

Get inside, Bambam. You were almost there.

Bambam ran up to the front door. He swung it open and he slammed it with a loud bang. Jinyoung jumped from his seat when he heard Bambam's choked sob. He quickly got up from his seat.

 

“Bambam? Baby, what's going on? What happened?”

 

Bambam didn't stop. He was racing into his bedroom when Jinyoung tried to chase after him.

 

“Bam? Wait, honey!”

 

Bambam locked his door and fell against it. He collapsed. Jinyoung was knocking and shouting questions and soon Jaebum has joined him. Even Hyunjin was there too. He could hear his brother's voice calling for his name.

 

“YUGYEOM IS GOING TO LA. HE WANTS TO CONTINUE HIS STUDY THERE, OKAY? LEAVE ME ALONE.”

 

The last word was cut off as his throat swelled and blocked it.

The hall was quiet. It was silence.

Bambam threw himself into bed, shoes and all. How could Yugyeom be so cruel? He was going to leave. Yugyeom was going to leave him. He was going to LA.

The thoughts only made him cry harder. He cried and cried and cried and eventually he fell into a painful and miserable slumber. 

 

* * *

 

 

When Jaebum opened the front door, he let out a huge sigh of relief when he saw Yugyeom.

 

He stood awkwardly. “Appa.”

“Oh, god. Come in, Gyeom. Jinyoung is waiting for you.”

 

Jaebum dragged Yugyeom inside. Jinyoung was fast to approach them. As soon as he saw Yugyeom, he ran to him and threw his arms around his neck. Yugyeom didn't hug him back but he rested his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder. He looked lifeless.

Jinyoung pulled away. He took Yugyeom's face in his hands and gasped when he saw his swollen eyes.

 

“Oh, honey,” he was on the verge of tears. “Thank you so much for coming here, Gyeom.”

Jaebum patted his back.

“He didn't want to come out from his room. It's been hours.”

Yugyeom swallowed. “I'm sorry.”

“We understand, Yugyeom,” Jaebum said softly. “It's not your fault. I'm sure Bambam understand your decision. He just couldn't think straight right now.”

“Go talk to him. You have the spare key, right?”

Yugyeom nodded woodenly. “I will try to talk to him.”

 

Yugyeom dragged himself to go upstairs. He was surprised when he found Hyunjin leaning against the door.

 

“How long have you been here?”

 

Hyunjin straightened his body. He walked toward Yugyeom, looking at him in the eye. He was 10 inches shorter than Yugyeom but when he stood in front of him, he looked intimidating.

 

“You made my brother cry.”

Yugyeom sighed. “I know. I'm sorry.”

“I know it's not your fault but I still hate it when someone makes my brother cry.”

 

Yugyeom was stunned. He didn't expect Hyunjin to stand for his brother. But he knew just how much Hyunjin treasure Bambam. He might seem like he didn't care. He always annoyed his brother and picked fights with him but that's how he showed his love toward his brother. He wanted attention, just like any other kids at his age. Hyunjin adored his brother and Yugyeom knew that Bambam was his role model. He looked up to him a lot. He just couldn’t show his love through words.

 

“Just get in and drag him out.”

 

Yugyeom smiled a little. He ruffled Hyunjin's hair and chuckled when the kid swatted his hand.

 

“You really love your brother, hm?”

“Shut up.”

Yugyeom sighed. “I will fix things. I promise.”

“You'd better be.”

 

* * *

 

When Bambam woke up, it was dark. His room was dark. He blinked his eyes but didn't move. He didn't have enough energy to move his body. For a long moment he was just lying there, unmoving. Bambam didn't know how long he had been staring into the darkness when suddenly he heard a flick outside his room. His door swung opened and Bambam had to close his eyes because of the sudden brightness. But then it slammed shut and the room was dark again.

He knew it was Yugyeom. He knew only Yugyeom who was brave enough to use his spare key.

 

“Bam?” A call through the night.

 

Bambam closed his eyes. He couldn't speak. Yugyeom called out once more but Bambam pretended that he didn't hear him. But he silently listened to Yugyeom's footsteps getting closer and closer and suddenly he could feel his breath on his face.

 

“I'm here,” he whispered. He was on his knees at the side of the bed. Bambam could feel it. He closed his eyes tighter.

“I'm sorry, Bam. I know you are mad right now but I want you to know that I didn't mean to hurt you or betray you. I know we had plans and all but I have to go.”

Yugyeom waited for him to say something. When he didn't, he continued.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I think I need a new start and L.A is a good choice. You know my grandparents are there, right? They're happy when they knew I'm going to stay with them for the next four years.”

 

No, it was a lie. A big lie. The words stung and his heart shattered into a million pieces. The truth was, everyone was confused when Yugyeom told them about his plans. But he had to go. Yugyeom couldn't stay here anymore.

 

“I'm sorry. Bam, please talk to me.”

 

Bambam curled into a ball. He was holding his breath. His throat was hurt and he couldn't talk but his eyes were filling with tears.

 

“Why?” he finally managed to say. His voice was only a whisper.

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.”

“Why?”

“I will make it up to you.”

“Why?”

“We still can meet during holidays. I will visit you as often as I can.”

“Yugyeom,” he said desperately. “ _Why?_ ”

 

Yugyeom was silent. Bambam opened his eyes and he was watching him. Bambam watched him back.

 

“What major will you take?”

Yugyeom swallowed. "Business."

Bambam squeezed his eyes shut.

“But that’s not your dream. You never want to learn about business. You love to dance. Yugyeom, you live to dance.”

 

Yugyeom was struggling not to cry. How could his life change so drastically, so quickly? One moment he was happy to be Bambam’s best friend but the next moment he felt the urge to leave him. To get away from the pain he had been feeling.

 

“I guess things changed. You know Youngjae hyung is always been into music. He wants to be a musician. As the youngest, I want to be useful for my family. I want to help Baba with his company.”

“But… your dreams…” his tears explode into gut-wrenching sobs. “How about your dreams?”

 

Yugyeom was fast to climb onto the bed. He pulled Bambam against his chest, hugging him tightly like his life was depended on it. Yugyeom wanted to tell him that he lied. He was right. He didn’t want to go abroad. He hated it. Learning business was never his dream. But dance was just another hobby. His dream was to be together with his best friend forever. It has always been his dream ever since he was five. But now that he knew his dream was out of reach, Yugyeom felt helpless.

Mark and Jackson were against him at first. They convinced Yugyeom to think about his decision, reminding him not to take the easy way out. Yugyeom has always been a brave kid. He wasn’t afraid of challenges. But who knew that loving his best friend had made him weak. He wanted to escape from the pain, the helpless dream, the hopeless future without his best friend. He just couldn’t take it. He practically begged his family to let him go and they didn’t have another choice but to say yes.  

Yugyeom and Bambam didn't talk for a long moment. Yugyeom hugged his best friend tightly, stroking his back gently to make him calm again. Bambam clutched Yugyeom’s t-shirt, snuggling closer to him. He was afraid that his best friend would disappear if he let go of him. They fell into a comfortable silence and that's exactly what Bambam needed at the moment. The calming presence of his best friend's body.

 

“Midget?”

“Hm?”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” He whispered. “And I’m sorry. I realized that I’ve been busy with my projects and Junho but I swear I didn’t mean to ignore you. I’m sorry. I am such a bad friend.”

 

Yugyeom held him tighter. He didn’t want to talk about it right now. He was content enough to have Bambam in his arms.

 

“No, it’s okay. We are okay now.”

Bambam placed one hand against Yugyeom’s chest, feeling his heartbeat.

“I missed you so much, giant.”

“I missed you too, midget.”

 

Yugyeom stayed through the night. That night, when they fell asleep, they slept heavily. In fact, they slept so heavily that they didn't see the sun rose. They didn't hear Bambam's alarm blared loudly. And when they finally woke up, they were already late to school but Jinyoung didn't scold them. Instead, he brought them breakfast to the room and told them to stay at home.

After that day, things were back to normal and they became inseparable again.

 

* * *

 


	7. Heart On The Line

* * *

"I'm already in front of your house."

"Okay. I'm going down."

 

Bambam had thrown on his favorite shirt—it was actually Yugyeom's—, an oversized hoodie, jeans, and his old faded converse. It was three in the morning. His house was still and silent when Bambam opened his door, careful not to make a noise. He had told Yugyeom to park down the street and Bambam would meet him on the corner. It was a night after their graduation day. Yugyeom's flight was today at 11 a.m. They were going to sneak out—it was Bambam’s idea, obviously. Bambam just wanted to spend some more time with his best friend so he suggested to runaway to Gangneung without telling their parents. Yugyeom, of course, didn’t have any option but to say yes to him.  

After he closed his bedroom’s door, he tiptoed down the stairs. Bambam didn't bother leaving a note. He would call Jinyoung in the morning when his mother would wake up and wondered where he was. As long as he was with Yugyeom, then everything was fine. Jinyoung and Jaebum trusted Yugyeom more than their own son, which was sometimes pissed Bambam but he knew his parents had a very good reason to do that.

Once he was out of the house, he was flying down the front steps. Yugyeom's car was on the corner, right where it was supposed to be. The car was dark, no lights. Yugyeom got his driver license last month. Actually they took a test together but Bambam had failed. Twice. He threw a tantrum when Yugyeom showed him his new key car. Jackson brought him Mercedes-Benz G-Class as an early graduation gift. He wailed and begged Jaebum to buy him a new car but his father firmly refused the idea of Bambam driving his own car without a license. Bambam stopped his tantrum when Yugyeom took him out of town with his new car during weekends.  

Bambam opened the passenger side door and then he climbed inside.

 

“I'm ready! I'm ready!” he said, bouncing on his seat like a kid.

 

Yugyeom shook his head in amusement as he started the engine.

 

“I can't believe you successfully convinced me to run away with you again without telling our parents. You know my mother will definitely kill me if I miss my flight.”

Bambam giggled. “We still have eight hours before your flight departs. We'd better hurry up. Go, go!”

 

Yugyeom laughed as they slowly drove away. Bambam put his bare feet on the dashboard. He wriggled his toes back and forth. They looked pretty clean to him.

 

“Go faster~” he urged Yugyeom. “Let's pass that guy on the bike.”

“If you ever get your license,” he scoffed. “People like you shouldn't even be allowed to drive!”

“Just wait and see, giant. I'm going to get my driving license before I enter college!”

“You're gonna fail.”

“Ha-ha.”

“I wish you bad luck.”

Bambam slapped his shoulder. “You are mean! Just like Hyunjin!”

 

Yugyeom laughed. And then Bambam laughed with him.

After a while, Bambam started to fiddle with the radio. He found his favorite stations, the one that played everything from pop to oldies to hip-hop. Britney Spears was singing 'Sometimes', his favorite song. Bambam sang along with her.

 

“Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide, sometimes I'm scared of you. But all I really want is to hold you tight.”

 

Yugyeom reached over to switch stations and Bambam slapped his hand away.

 

“Don't you dare, Wang Yugyeom.”

“Your voice makes me want to run this car into the cliff.”

 

Bambam ignored him. He sang even louder and Yugyeom finally gave up. He started to sing with him. They had terrible voices, out of tunes, but they sang together to their hearts' content.

They drove through town slowly. Bambam didn't want to think about his flight. He didn't want to think that this would be their last time together before Yugyeom went to LA, away from Seoul, away from him. He just wanted to enjoy this moment. He loved this drive, this moment. Even before Yugyeom got his own car, they would borrow Jabum's car, sometimes Jackson's, and then they would drive somewhere at dawn, sitting in a car, singing loudly to an empty street. Just like what they were doing right now.

Bambam rolled down the window and took in the street outside. The air tasted like a new journey and it smelled fresh. The wind ruffling his hair and he could smell the salty sea breeze as they got closer and closer to the Gyeongpo Beach. As soon as they started driving down the freeway, the subtle but sweet scent of pine filled their senses. It was light, pleasing, and almost euphoric. When they arrived at the beach, their lovely aroma mixed with a salty sea breeze. The entire area was quaint, calm and beautiful. They got out of the car and ran to the beach.

They were playing on the side of the beach, splashing water everywhere. At that moment, it felt like nothing else existed outside their world. There were just them.

Yugyeom hadn't felt this happy in ages. And as he silently watching Bambam playing in the waves, Yugyeom realized just how breathtakingly beautiful he was. His best friend was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He was the only person Yugyeom ever wanted. Yugyeom was crazy about him but he didn't know what to do. There were so many times when he wanted to take his hand but couldn't. It was impossible because they were best friends. He wasn’t brave enough to cross the line.  

There was a huge hole in his heart and Yugyeom didn't know how to fix it. The acceleration of his heartbeat was sudden and painful and Yugyeom was struck by a terrible realization.

It was their last time. After this, he didn’t know when he would see his best friend again.

 

“Yugyeom!”

Bambam’s loud voice brought him back to the reality. He blinked and found Bambam waving at him.

“Catch me if you can!”

 

Yugyeom laughed. He chased after him. They were laughing and screaming happily as if it was their last day on earth.

 

* * *

 

On their way back to the car, Bambam was too tired to walk so Yugyeom decided to carry him. He squatted down and Bambam climbed on his back. And then he hopped in a way that bounced him up higher, above his waist, and Bambam settled into him. His arms wrapped around Yugyeom's shoulder.

 

“Yugyeom?”

“Hm?”

Bambam rested his chin on Yugyeom's shoulder. He sighed deeply.

“You will come home as often as you can, right? We still can hang out?”

Yugyeom was filled with guilt. It was something he couldn't promise but he nodded anyway.

“Yes.”

 

They were silent for several minutes. They could hear the roar of the waves rolling onto the shore. And in the distance, the sun started to shine.

But Bambam didn’t care. He didn’t care about the waves, the beautiful sunrise, or the smell of fresh air. He just wanted to cry right now. He wanted to cry so bad because his best was going to live far away from him. They were going to start a new life apart from each other and he wasn't ready. But he was determined not to cry in front of Yugyeom. He didn't want to make him worry. Ever since Yugyeom told him that he was going to study abroad, his parents had been giving him a worry glance every now and then. And it was getting worse these past few weeks. Even Hyunjin couldn't help but show concern for his brother. But Bambam always pretended that he was fine. That Yugyeom going all the way to LA and would stay there for at least four years didn't affect him at all.

But it did affect him.

It affected him in the worst way but Bambam didn't want to show it. He played pretend. He acted like nothing happened but inside, he was dying. He wanted his best friend to stay, to never leave, but he could never ask him to do that.

The thoughts made his eyes stung. Bambam’s hands around Yugyeom’s neck tightened.

 

“Yugyeom?” he called when they almost reached the car. His voice broke a little.  

“Yes, Bam?”

“I’m so happy today. All thanks to you. I will never forget this day.”

Yugyeom smiled. “Me too.”

 

“Yugyeom?”

“Yes, midget?”

 

Bambam's heart was stuck in his throat. He swallowed.

 

“I miss you already.”

Yugyeom could hear his heart broke a little bit more.

“Me too, Bam. Me too.”

 

They didn’t talk again.  Yugyeom piggybacked him all the way to the car. On their way back to home, Bambam called his mother and told him not to worry because they would be home before 11.

By the time they got back home, Jinyoung and Jaebum were already waiting for them in the gate. They got out of the car and Yugyeom felt guilty for making them worried. Bambam was awfully quiet and he didn't say anything when his mother softly scolded him. Yugyeom looked at his best friend, knowing perfectly what he was thinking. But before he could talk to him, Bambam was fast to run to the doorway and got inside.

 

Jinyoung sighed. “Your parents are waiting for you to come home, honey.”

“But, Umma—“

"Don't worry," Jaebum cut him off gently. “We will take care of him.”

“We will bring him to the airport. We promise.”

Yugyeom sighed. “Okay. Thank you, Umma, Appa.”

 

Yugyeom threw one last look at the front door before ran to his car and drove away.

 

* * *

 

Bambam collapsed on the bed. His body smelled salty and he needed to shower but he couldn't bring himself to move. He wanted to stay in his bed forever. He didn't want to go to the airport and faced the reality. He didn't want to accept the fact that Yugyeom would be leaving in less than two hours.

 

“Yya! Im Bambam!”

 

Bambam groaned when he heard his brother shouting his name with the disrespect tone. He heard him climbed the stairs, followed by the sound of his bedroom door being opened. And suddenly Hyunjin was there, hovering above his body.

 

“Get up.” he demanded.

 

Bambam rolled on his side of the bed. He whined and buried his face in the pillow.

 

“No~”

“Get up or I will call Yugyeom.”

 

Bambam wailed. He shook his head frantically.

 

“Don't call Yugyeom,” he whispered. His voice broke. “Don't call Yugyeom.”

 

Bambam was on the verge of tears. Hyunjin sighed, kneeling on the side of the bed. He brushed his hair away from his face. His action was gentle and genuine and it made Bambam cried, clutching the pillow against his chest tightly.   

 

“You need to be there for him. I know it's not easy but Yugyoeom needs you. He needs his best friend.” he said softly.

 

Bambam looked at his brother. Sometimes he wondered how he could be a hyung for Hyunjin. He was still fourteen but he had always been the mature one between the two of them. Bambam took one of Hyunjin's hands and gripped it tightly.

 

“You'll be there with me, right?” he whispered.

Hyunjin smiled.

“Right.”

Bambam smiled.

“Carry me?”

 

Hyunjin faked an annoyed face but chuckled when Bambam stretched out his hands to him. When he finally settled into his brother's back, Hyunjin shook his head in disbelief.

 

“I can't believe this. How could Yugyeom put up with you for years? You are trouble.”

 

Bambam whined, still sobbing like a little child.

 

“Because he loves me!” he exclaimed. “Not like you. You are my brother but you always annoy me to no end. You don’t love me.”

 

Hyunjin was silent. He didn't answer him. If only his brother knew the truth.

 

* * *

 


	8. Lost Things

* * *

Yugyeom looked relief when Bambam and his family arrived at the airport. He walked toward Bambam, pulling his best friend against his chest and hugging him so tight it physically hurt both of them. But Bambam didn't protest. He hugged him as tight, basking in the scent of his body soap. Yugyeom smelled fresh with a slight tinge of sea breeze and Bambam liked it. His scent calmed him and for a moment he forgot why he was here. Yugyeom was right here, that’s all that matter to him right now. His best friend was still here and Bambam wanted to savor this moment as long as he could before he left. 

Yugyeom let out a huge sigh when Bambam buried his face in his chest, wrapping his arms around his waist tightly, clearly didn’t want to let go. It felt like the weight on his shoulders had disappeared when he had Bambam in his arms, safe and sound.  

Their families were there, standing a few feet away from them. They gave them time they needed. 

 

“I’m so glad you came.” Yugyeom said after pulling away slightly but didn’t let go of him. He put both hands around his waist.

 

Bambam looked up to see his face. He needed to say everything he wanted to say to his best friend before he lost his nerve.

 

“Don’t smoke,” he started with a low voice. “You need to take care of your lungs if you want to continue dancing until 50.”

“Yes, Bambam.”

“Don’t be picky with food. I don’t think they sell Jihal Bros there. Don’t annoy your grandparents with your weird behavior. And don’t rap in front of them! Your weird rap will shorten their age—shut up, don’t cut me off—and most importantly, no drugs and wild parties please. Yugyeom, are listening to me?”

Yugyeom chuckled. “Yes, _mom_.”

 

Bambam slapped his chest.

 

“I’m being serious right now, giant!”

“Yes, I know,” he said. “But you know I will never do those, drugs and parties. You know I prefer to spend my time in the studio.”

Bambam ducked his head. “I know.”

“Anything else?”

 

Bambam shook his head.

 

“No.”

“My turn, then?”

 

Bambam nodded wordlessly.

Yugyeom took Bambam’s face in his hand. He smiled.

 

“First off, Kunpimook, don’t sit on anyone’s lap except your family members.”

“I am not allowed to sit on your lap, then.”

Yugyeom flicked his forehead playfully. “Excluding me, silly.”

“Fine. What else?”

“If you want to eat something at ungodly hours, just ask Hyunjinie.”

Bambam frowned. “My brother? Are you serious? He is stingy and he hates me!”

Yugyeom chuckled.

“You know he doesn’t hate you. And, yes. He will gladly take you to the nearest supermarket even at 3 or 4 in the morning.”

“That sounds impossible.”

 

Yugyeom poked his nose gently.

 

“I’ve taken care of that. Just ask him, ok? Please don’t go alone.”         

“I can go by myself! I am not a kid!”

Yugyeom narrowed his eyes at him.

“Kunpimook.”

Bambam grumbled. “Ugh, fine, fine.”  

 

Yugyeom looked satisfied.

 

“Good. Now raise your hands.”

“Why?”

“Just do it, midget.”

“Why are you so pushy today?”

 

Bambam grumbled but he raised his hands above his head anyway. Yugyeom pulled the hoodie that he was wearing over his head. It was a custom-made special and it was his favorite hoodie. It was black and it had dandelion printed on the chest. Yugyeom designed it by himself. He made it on his 14th birthday. Yugyeom was willing to give Bambam anything in the world but he never let him borrowed his hoodie.

Bambam was stunned when Yugyeom carefully drew the hoodie over his head, feeling it settled on his frail shoulders and then Bambam slid his arms into the sleeves. The fleecy material warmed his skin. He felt secure inside it. He felt hugged. Yugyeom pulled down the hood and Bambam immediately felt safe. It smelled of him. It smelled like his best friend and now Bambam wanted to cry so bad.  

 

Yugyeom smiled at his best friend.

“It fits you perfectly. You look perfect.”

Bambam bit his lips. He was on the verge of crying.

“Yugyeom-ah…”

Yugyeom stroked Bambam’s cheek. He bent his head down and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“Take care, midget. I’m going to miss you the most.”

 

That day Yugyeom didn’t turn his back. He walked further, further, until he vanished from Bambam’s vision. And that’s when reality finally hit him.

His best friend was gone.

 

* * *

 

Jaebum and Jinyoung had to go to work so Bambam and Hyunjin went home with Wang family. Hyunjin had to drag Bambam to the car because his brother looked lifeless. He couldn’t even walk by himself and his brother had to help him, making sure he wouldn’t trip into his feet. He even opened the door for him and settling his seatbelt.

Everyone was quiet on the way back home. Bambam curled up on the back seat, fiddling with the sleeve of his hoodie. Hyunjin and Youngjae sat beside him. Mark and Jackson were continuously glancing at him from the mirror view. They were worried because Bambam hadn’t said anything since they left the airport. He was looking out the window the whole ride home.  

 

“Baby, what do you want to eat for dinner?" Mark finally asked, trying to distract him. "Dumplings? Thai food? Mama will make it all for you.”

 

Bambam looked at Mark and shook his head slightly. Mark’s heart clenched when he saw there weren’t any sparks in his eyes. They were dull and empty.

 

“You must be tired.  Do you want Baba to piggyback you to your room?” Jackson added.

“Baba, how about we do grocery shopping together?” Youngjae suggested, trying to sound as cheerful as he could.

“Bam said he wants to eat crackers.” Hyunjin said.

“That's such a good idea, kids.” Jackson nodded. “Let's go, then.”

“No, Baba,” Bambam said. He sighed. “I'm sorry. I'm tired. I just want to sleep.”

Mark smiled at him.

“That's okay, baby. We understand.”

 

Bambam tried so hard not to cry because the way Mark looked at him made his heart sank deeper. He was so gentle, so tender and soft. He looked so much like Yugyeom. But Yugyeom wasn't here. He was on the plane making its way to LA. Bambam was alone. And he missed him so much. Everything inside of him was throbbing and he finally burst into crying.

 

“Oh, baby,”

 

Jackson pulled the car to the side of the road. He couldn't drive right now, not when Bambam was sobbing loudly. Hyunjin was fast to pull his brother against his chest. He rocked him gently, letting him cried his eyes out. He didn't say anything. Youngjae watched Bambam silently, he looked like he could cry anytime soon. Mark twisted his body, trying to reach for Bambam's hands from the front seat. They knew nothing would make Bambam feel better now so they let him cried.

And Bambam cried and cried until eventually he fell into a tired slumber in Hyunjin's shoulder.

 

* * *

 

Raymond and Dorine were sitting on the front porch, waiting for their grandson to arrive. When they finally saw Yugyeom, they abruptly got up from the seats. Yugyeom laughed when his grandmother ran to him, hugging him and swaying their bodies together.

 

“I missed you, baobei,” Dorine squeezed him tighter. “I can't believe my baby boy has grown up into a fine young man!”

 

Raymond laughed. He patted Yugyeom's back gently.

 

“Come on, Dorine. Let's get him inside. Yugyeomie needs to take a rest.”

“Right, right,” she said, dragging Yugyeom inside. “Your room is ready.”

 

They led him to upstairs. Yugyeom had his own room here. His grandparents kept it for him because Yugyeom and his family would travel here from time to time. Once they were inside his room, Raymond and Dorine kissed his forehead before they left the room.

His room was still the same. When he was little, Yugyeom had decorated the walls with posters. It was his work with Bambam because his best friend used to tag along whenever Yugyeom came to visit his grandparents in L.A or in China. This was the first time he came here without his parents. Without his family. And without Bambam.

Yugyeom fell on the bed with a tired sigh. He looked at the ceiling, thinking about his own future. But his mind was quick to drift to his best friend. An overwhelming grief knotting his stomach and pulling at his heart. There was a lump in his throat that threatened to choke him.

He was alone. He didn't know when he would be back in Seoul. Yugyeom didn't know if he would be back there. Now that he was away from his best friend, he wasn't ready to meet him again. But deep inside, he felt empty. From now on, Yugyeom would never again run his fingers through his soft hair, never share a secret joke that only the two of them would understand. He would never share a bed with his best friend again, never be woken up by his soft snore on weekends, never laugh with him so much his stomach would ache, never fight with him about whose turn it was to pay for their ice cream dates. All that was left was a bundle of memories and an image of his best friend's face that made his heart ached painfully.

Yugyeom squeezed his eyes shut and tears started to roll down his cheeks. Just for tonight, he reminded himself. He would let his guard down just for tonight. But tomorrow was a new start. Tomorrow, Yugyeom’s life would begin. Tomorrow, he would try to live as best as he could.

And tomorrow, he would try to learn how to forget his feelings for his best friend.

 

* * *

 


	9. After You

* * *

Bambam experienced his very first time for everything without Yugyeom.

He experienced the very first time he paid for his grocery shopping. Bambam never brought his wallet when he went for grocery shopping because Yugyeom was more than willing to pay for everything. Now he paid everything by himself. The first time he woke up to his mother’s soft voice on weekdays. Bambam didn’t remember when was the last time his family members woke him up because it used to be Yugyeom’s duty. He was used to be woken up by his childish voice—it was getting deeper as they grown up. The first time he sneaked out alone at 3 in morning when he suddenly craved for yogurt. Usually Bambam would call Yugyeom and asked his best friend to accompany him to the supermarket. But then he remembered that Yugyeom was in L.A and he was alone. His heart was still heavy whenever he thought about it.

And that night, when Bambam convinced himself that he would be okay going to the supermarket alone, Hyunjin suddenly showed up right before he got a chance to open the front door.

 

“What the hell Hyunjin,” he gasped, clearly didn’t expect to see his brother. “Get back to your room! You should be sleeping!”

Hyunjin ignored his brother.

“Where are you going?”

“It’s none of your business.”

Hyunjin sighed. He walked toward Bambam and quickly slid into his shoes.

“Let’s go.” He said.

Bambam looked confused. “What? Where?”

“Wherever you want to go, Bam. I will go with you and I will pay for your food. So shut up and let’s go.”

 

That night Hyunjin took him to the supermarket. He was so caring and gentle and understanding and it made Bambam broke down into ugly tears in front of the cashier. He cried even louder when Hyunjin paid for his snacks and cola cider. He sobbed loudly on their way back home, sniffling and hiccuping. Hyunjin walked silently beside him. He didn’t stop his brother, letting him cried as loud as he wanted. He walked closer to his brother and glared at people who looked at Bambam like he was nuts—Hyunjin had to admit that his brother was crazy but he couldn’t tolerate when people being rude to his brother. Hyunjin even piggybacked him when Bambam suddenly complained that he couldn’t walk anymore.  

When they almost reached their house, Bambam finally spoke in a low voice.

 

“Hyunjinnie?”

“Hm?”

He hadn’t called his brother with that endearing nickname for a while and he had to admit that he missed it. He missed his brother.

“You know that I love you, right?” he whispered, wrapping his arms around his neck a little bit tighter. “I love you so much.”

“I know.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

Hyunjin’s face flushed. “I know.”  

“You are my number one little brother.”

“I am your only little brother.”

Bambam chuckled and Hyunjin was so glad to hear it again. By the time they were finally home, his brother had fallen asleep on his shoulders.

 

* * *

 

The time just seemed to pass him by these days without him knowing what time or even what day it was. Each day he found himself sprawled uncomfortably across some piece of furniture: two days ago it was the floor in his bedroom, yesterday it was the couch, and today it was Hyunjin's bed.

When Bambam woke up, he blinked hard and raised his hands to rub his eyes. The movement made his joints crack and he groaned. His head throbbed in the palms of his hands and his mouth was dry.

 

“Jaebum, he is awake!”

 

Bambam blinked again and found his mother’s face in front of him. He looked so worried and Bambam wondered what had happened. He couldn’t recall anything.

His father showed up a moment later, looking so worried and breathless. He pressed his palm to Bambam’s forehead and sighed in relief.

 

“His fever is gone.” Jaebum said.

Jinyoung sighed. He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“What happened?” Bambam managed to ask but it came out in a croak.

“You had a fever, stupid.” Hyunjin answered. He was standing behind Jaebum with both arms crossed.

Bambam tried to sit but Jaebum stopped him.

“Careful, baby,” he warned him.

 

Jaebum helped him to sit properly in bed with his back leaned against the wall. Jinyoung helped him to sip the water slowly, continuously telling him not to hurry because he was afraid that his baby might choke.

 

“You need to take a shower after this, baby.” Jaebum said, smiling at him. Jinyoung cooed at his son.

“Today I will help you take a bath. Aw, I can’t believe I get a chance to bath my baby again. It’s been ages!”

 

Bambam knew his mother tried to cheer him up. But why did that cheerful, sympathetic voice always sent tears to Bambam's eyes? He remembered his mother's concerned face during the first week after Yugyeom was gone. His eyebrows furrowed, forehead wrinkled with worry. His father looked unhappy. Even Hyunjin never annoy him again. He was caution and tried not to offend him. He even cooked for him. Everyone looked concerned and worried these past few weeks.

Bambam swallowed hard. He felt guilty. It was his fault. He made everyone worried. Tears found him and soon Bambam burst into crying.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I—“

“Oh, no. Don’t cry, honey. Come here.”

 

Jinyoung pulled him toward his chest. Bambam sobbed loudly in his chest, clutching his mother’s arm tightly. Jaebum put his arms around Jinyoung’s shoulder, one of his free hands patting Bambam’s back gently.

 

“We understand, baby,” his father said. “It’s okay. We’re just worried about you. You know you have us, right, baby?”

His mother nodded.

“We will always be there for you, honey.”

“You haven’t been yourself lately. And honestly, Bam, I prefer crazy you way better rather than awfully quiet you. Just… be yourself again, please. I’m worried about you, _hyung._ ”

 

Hyunjin never called him _hyung_ after he turned seven. He liked to disrespect him but when he did call him _hyung_ , it meant he was being sincere and serious.

It made him remember why they were worried and that they shouldn't have to be. Everything should be normal. Bambam should be normal. Hyunjin’s right. He couldn’t be like this forever. Life must go on. With or without his best friend.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, sobbing harder. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologize, honey,” Jinyoung rocked him in his arms gently. He kissed on top of his forehead. “Everything will be okay. You will be okay.”

 

Bambam wanted to believe his mother because he sounded so convincing but it was hard. But Bambam was determined to change. He knew he couldn’t stay like this forever. He should move on. He had his own life.

That day, the four of them slept in Hyunjin’s bed, snuggling together. The next morning, Bambam was back being himself.

  

* * *

 

Bambam and Yugyeom communicated through emails, phones, and messengers. It has been two months since Yugyeom left. College hasn’t started yet but apparently Yugyeom was busy adjusting to his new environment. They rarely talked and Bambam tried his best to hide his disappointment every time he asked Yugyeom when he would come home but his best friend couldn’t answer him. He wanted to be a supportive best friend.

But next week was May.

And second May was his birthday. It was Bambam 18th birthday.

But Yugyeom couldn’t come.

Bambam wasn’t disappointed. He didn’t sound sad or disappointed when he talked to Yugyeom by phone yesterday. But Hyunjin found his brother crying on the floor after Yugyeom hung up the phone.

 

He sighed. “Stop moping.”

“Go away~”

“No.”

“I hate you~” he whined, crying harder.

“Umma and Appa were busy downstairs. They’re preparing for your birthday party tomorrow. They wanted you to come downstairs because Mama and Baba just arrived with Youngjae _hyung_. They are all here to celebrate your birthday, dumbass. So stop crying and get your lazy ass there.”   

 

Bambam shook his head as he crawling into his bed. He didn’t want to meet people. His best friend just told him that he couldn’t come for his birthday party. Yugyeom never missed his birthday party. He was always the first person who would congratulate him and dragged him downstairs to blow the candle.

But he couldn’t come. This would be his first birthday party without Yugyeom and Bambam didn’t know how to handle that.

 

“Jeez, you look like someone just broke your heart you know.”

“He did break my heart!” he wailed. “That stupid giant said he can’t come! Stupid. Giant.”

“Did you seriously expect him to come all the way here to celebrate your stupid birthday party?”

 

Bambam was silent. But then he nodded.

 

“Yes.”

Hyunjin groaned.

“I can’t believe you. It would be tiring to fly back and forth from L.A. to Seoul. Besides he already sent a present for you.”

Bambam sobbed. “But… but…”

“But what? You think he loves you so much he will actually do anything for you? Bam, his world doesn’t revolve around you and you’re not his priority.”

 

The bitter words spat out before Hyunjin could stop them and he was horrified as soon as they leave his mouth. And it shook Bambam's heart. His vision was blurring but he still couldn't find the words to speak. Hyunjin took a step closer to his brother, trying to approach him. It was the first time Bambam saw his brother looked guilty.

 

“Bam, it's not what I meant.” Hyunjin said. He realized that he has taken it too far. But Bambam was too hurt to even think.

“You're right,” he said quietly. And he found himself believe every word.

 

Hyunjin was right. He was just... a friend. He was not his priority. And Bambam has no right to get mad or angry with Yugyeom. He had more important things to do and it was just another stupid birthday party. Every word was saturated in bitter truth and it shattered Bambam's heart.

 

“Bam...”

“Give me five minutes and I’ll be downstairs.”

 

Bambam ran to the bathroom before Hyunjin got a chance to speak. Hyunjin groaned in frustration.

 

“Stupid mouth.” he scolded himself as he walked out the room. “Ugh, of course we all know that Bambam has always been his priority. That stupid giant is just too afraid to meet my brother.”

 

* * *

 

Bambam laughed happily as he descending the stairs. Everyone in the kitchen was startled when they heard that. They looked at him in pure shock and disbelief but Bambam grinned widely at them. He didn’t let anyone questioning his change of behavior. 

Bambam became chatty. He talked and laughed and screamed and sang to his heart content. He could see his parent looked at him worriedly from the corner of his eyes. Hyunjin was still quiet. He still felt guilty but Bambam couldn’t even blame him. His brother was just trying to tell him the truth.

Fortunately, Mark and Jackson got along with his act. Youngjae even joined him singing in the living room. All of his family members and also Wang family waited until midnight when Bambam was officially turned twenty. He made a wish and blew the candle happily.

 

“Baby, you got a present from Yugyeomie. It’s already in your room.” Mark informed him. “Happy birthday. We love you, sweetheart.”

 

Bambam tried so hard not to cry when Mark and Jinyoung hugged him a little bit tighter than others. He tried not to cry when his father silently guiding him to his room after the party had ended.

 

“Bam?”

“Yes, Appa?”

 

They stood in front of Bambam’s room. Bambam was about to open his door when suddenly Jaebum leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead.

 

“Happy birthday, baby,” he said softly. “You know that I love you, right?”

Bambam bit his lips. “I know.”

“Get inside and find your present.”

Bambam nodded woodenly.

“Good night, Appa.”

“Good night, baby.”

 

Bambam pushed the door open and got inside. He found a gift box on his bed. He climbed on the bed and for a moment he just looked at the box with a blank expression. He touched the corner lightly, feeling it under his fingers. It was from Yugyeom, his best friend who couldn’t come to his stupid birthday party.

Bambam unwrapped it ever so slowly. His breath got stuck in his throat when he found a scrapbook nestled inside. The word ‘Best of Friends’ had written on the cover. There was also a letter inside. Bambam had to take a deep breath before he finally opened the letter.

 

 

_To: My best friend_

_Hey, midget. Happy 18 th birthday! Sorry I couldn’t make it home to celebrate with you. I know you would be really upset when I told you that I couldn’t come. However I have sent you a little something so I hope you like it. _

_I made it by myself for weeks so don’t throw it away even when you’re mad at me. I thought about you, about our friendship, about us when I put each picture on the scrapbook. It was something I treasure a lot and now it’s yours._

_Lots of love,_

_Yugyeom._

 

Bambam clutched the scrapbook, sobbing quietly. He didn’t open the scrapbook that night. He didn’t call Yugyeom or text him or thank him for the birthday present. Instead, he lay awake in bed for hours, hugging the scrapbook against his chest like his life depended on it, and thinking about his best friend, about their friendship, about them.  

He missed his best friend. He missed him but somehow, for some reasons, he couldn’t bring himself to tell him.

It was indeed the worst birthday ever.

And that night, Bambam cried himself to sleep and fell into a fitful slumber.

 

* * *

 


	10. A Heavy Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another bittersweet chapter for all of you :)

* * *

Times just seemed to pass Bambam by these days without him knowing what time or even what day it was. It's been months since Yugyeom left and he seemed to be living outside his body, numb to everything but the emptiness in his heart, in his bones, in his head. They had been busy with college and Bambam couldn't remember the last he talked to his best friend. Had it been a week ago? Or a month ago? He didn't remember. He always pretended that it didn't affect him at all. He tried so hard to act nonchalant because he didn't want all the attention directed at him. He didn't want the intrusive questions about how he was feeling. Fortunately, his parents had stopped asking how he was feeling after two months of moping around and Bambam was glad for that.

Yugyeom wasn't joking when he said he wanted to study business. Bambam still couldn't understand why his best friend gave up on his dreams when he knew very well that neither Jackson or Mark would never force Yugyeom to do something he dislikes. Bambam had to admit that Yugyeom had changed into a completely different person. He never took school seriously before but now he was working his ass off. Even though his decision to study business was sudden and unpredictable, but his best friend had always known what he wanted to do in life. His vision was clear.

Seeing his best friend got everything figured out made Bambam felt like a blank canvas. He did take fashion design program in college, something he’s always wanted ever since he was still in high school, but he still didn't know what should he do after he graduated from college. He had plans but they were as fragile as a wall of bones.

Bambam had a lot of friends in college. It was easy for him to make friends with strangers, unlike Yugyeom who was more introvert than him. But it didn’t feel the same. His friends from high school had their own lives and Bambam hadn’t seen them since their graduation day. Chan was back to his hometown, Australia, and decided to continue his study there meanwhile Jungkook was entering the different college from him. He was still in Seoul but it was hard to match their schedule for a catch-up meeting.

Bambam wanted to talk about a lot of things with Yugyeom. He wanted to tell him about his days. He wanted to tell Yugyeom that he broke up with Junho weeks ago but he didn’t feel sad at all. He didn’t even think about Junho again. He wanted to share his feelings with his best friend. But he wasn’t there.

For the first time in his life, Bambam felt alone. He didn’t have someone to talk to, someone to lean on, and someone to hang out with. He had friends but they weren’t his best friend.

Bambam would constantly ask Yugyeom when he would go home. Christmas was coming and Bambam hoped that his best friend could come home so they could catch up and hang out like they used to be.

But he couldn’t come.

Bambam asked why.

He said that he was busy.

For the first time in his life, Bambam doubted his best friend.

 

* * *

 

A few days before Christmas, his family had been busy decorating the whole house. Jinyoung and Mark did the Christmas shopping together and they were planning to have a dinner with both families on Christmas night at Wang's house. Bambam didn't feel the Christmas vibe at all. He just wanted to stay in bed forever and snuggled with his pillow, maybe watching some movies. But of course his brother always had his own way to ruin his day.

 

"Get your ass out of bed.”

Bambam threw him a dirty look.

"You don't go around telling me what I should do, Im Hyunjin. Get out of my room."

"I'm going to drag your ass off the bed. Get up!"

"No!"

"Umma asked me to buy a Christmas tree with you, dumbass. If you don't want to, go tell him."

 

Bambam groaned. His brother knew exactly how to get him riled up. Of course Bambam could never say no to his mother. He just loved him that much.

 

"Fine, asshole."

"Good. Meet me downstairs."

 

Bambam grumbled as he got off the bed reluctantly. Few minutes later, he was already in the car with Hyunjin. Technically Hyunjin shouldn’t have driving because he didn’t have a license but Bambam was banned behind the wheel. His parents agreed to never let Bambam drive again. Besides, it was obvious that Hyunjin drove the car safer than his brother.

 

“Stop moping, Bam.” His brother said as they slowly drove away.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Shut up.”

“It’s Yugyeom, right?”

Bambam groaned. “Don’t say his name.”

“Are you guys fighting?”

 

Bambam snorted. He didn’t answer the question. Instead, he threw his gaze out the window, looking at the busy street.

Were they fighting? No, they didn’t. Because they didn’t even talk. At all. Yugyeom had been so busy with college and he hardly called Bambam. It was always Bambam who was always waiting for him. He could have just called but part of him couldn’t even bring himself to do so. Bambam wondered what made them slowly growing apart like this.

When the lights traffic turned red, Hyunjin pulled the break and the car stopped. Bambam could feel Hyunjin’s stare but he didn’t turn at him. Bambam was looking out the window and then he found a boy piggybacked a girl on his back, walking ever so slowly, probably afraid he would drop her off. They looked like they were bickering over something because the girl frowned and pouted, clearly upset over something.

The sight brought a faint smile on Bambam’s lips. It reminded him of the most unforgettable Christmas he has ever had.

 

* * *

 

**_Yugyeom and Bambam_ **

**_Sixth grade_ **

_They were supposed to be on the stage, performing Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs for the school annual drama on Christmas Eve and had family dinner after the show ended. Bambam got a big role this year: he was the Snow White meanwhile Yugyeom was one of the dwarfs, Dopey._

_They did play on the stage, earning claps and gasped and laughed from the audience for their acting—it was pretty good for the six grades. The show was almost over. The audiences were waiting for Snow White to be kissed by the Prince Charming. Bambam was lying helplessly on the bed with his eyes closed. He had been fidgeting, trying so hard not to open his eyes because he was currently on the stage._

_Where the hell was Yugyeom?  He was supposed to come and rescue him!_

_An hour before the show started…_

_“I don’t want to be kissed by the Prince Charming. Ew, disgusting!”_

_“It’s not a kiss. It’s just a peck.”_

_“Yugyeom, I don’t want to be kissed by the Prince Charming.” He repeated. “Don’t you get what I’m trying to say here?”_

_Yugyeom sighed. “I’m not going to do whatever you wanted me to do.”_

_Bambam pouted at his best friend. He tugged on his sleeves, silently begging. He was cute. His best friend was so cute with his beautiful Snow White costume and his black wig with a tiara on top of it._

_“Please?”_

_“No, midget.”_

_“For me?”_

_Yugyeom was so, so weak for his best friend._

_“Fine, Princess.”_

_“Yesss! I love you, Yugyeomie!”_

_So, where the hell was Yugyeom? He didn’t want to be kissed by the Prince Charming!_

_Bambam could hear the footsteps coming to him, a body hovering above him. His body froze but his mind was screaming for Yugyeom._

_And then, when the Prince Charming was about to lean down and gave him a kiss…_

_“DON’T TOUCH HIM, YOU PERVERT! BAMBAM, RUN! RUN!”_

_Bambam was quick to get up from his sleeping position. He found Yugyeom behind the curtain, waving frantically at him. He lifted his stupid Snow White dress off to his tights and ran to his best friend. Yugyeom reached out his hand and Bambam gladly took it._

_Together, they ran away from school._

_They ran through the hallway, laughing when the teachers tried to chase them._

_Bambam could hear Jinyoung and Mark shouting at them and told them to stop running. But, they didn’t. Yugyeom held Bambam’s tiny hands tightly—it was tiny compared to his—and continued to run. They ran past the gate and disappeared into the corner of the street._

* * *

 

_“Stupid Snow White! Stupid wig! Stupid tiara! And stupid heels!”_

_Bambam whined as he tried to get rid of the wig. It was itchy and Bambam felt ridiculous. Yugyeom laughed beside him._

_“Shut up, giant!”_

_“I am a dwarf. Not a giant.”_

_“You’re not helping!”_

_Bambam was about to rip his wig off his bead but Yugyeom stopped him._

_“Don’t.” he said._

_Bambam frowned at him._

_“Why?”_

_“You look beautiful, Bam. You look like a princess. I like it.”_

_Bambam looked at his best friend for a moment, mouth slightly opened. He hated when people called him beautiful because he wasn’t. He was a boy and he was supposed to look handsome or cool. But somehow it felt different when Yugyeom said it. When he heard it from his mouth, it made Bambam felt beautiful. And he actually liked the feeling._

_A blush decorated his round cheeks and it’s definitely wasn’t from the cold._

_“Ugh, shut up.” He said, avoiding his gaze._

_“Fine, princess.”_

_“Wang Yugyeom!”_

_Bambam slapped his shoulder. Yugyeom laughed._

_They were walking down the streets, looking ridiculous with their costumes but their face was glowing. They grinned from ear to ear._

_“Gyeom, I’m tired.”_

_“So?”_

_“So carry me, silly!” he said. “My feet hurt.”_

_Yugyeom looked down at his feet and realized that it was swollen. He quickly squatted down in front of his best friend._

_“Come on, princess.”_

_“Say that again and I’m going to tear your hair out.”_

_Bambam climbed on his back and wrapped his tiny arms around Yugyeom’s neck. He wondered how could Yugyeom was bigger and taller than him when in fact, he was actually six months older than him. People always thought that Yugyeom was older than him because of his tall body._

_“Our parents will definitely kill us.”_

_Bambam grinned._

_“Our father, yes. But our mother? They are angel. They can’t get mad.”_

_“You’re crazy.”_

_“You love me.”_

_He could hear a smile on his face when he spoke._

_“Of course I am, you silly.”_

_Bambam tightened his arms around Yugyeom’s neck. People were looking at them with a suspicious look, probably wondering where their parents were or why there were two kids walking down the street with weird costumes on Christmas Eve._

_But Bambam didn’t care at all. He had Yugyeom and for him, it was enough._

_“By the way, it’s Christmas! Where is my present?”_

_“Where is my present?” he asked back._

_Bambam giggled in his ears._

_“I’m your present! Surprise!”_

_Yugyeom faked an annoyance groan but he laughed loudly when Bambam started to kiss his chubby cheeks._

_“Okay, okay!” he laughed. “Stop it or I will drop you, princess.”_

_“Don’t drop me, Dopey!”_

_They laughed together._

_“So, where’s my present?”_

_Yugyeom sighed._

_“It’s in my pocket. Dig it.”_

_Bambam’s hand reached out for Yugyeom’s pocket. He found a small Christmas crystal ball with mini Santa Clause inside._

_“I bought it with my own money,” he said, suddenly sounded hesitant. “I know it’s ugly—“_

_“It’s beautiful.” He whispered. “Yugyeom, it’s beautiful.”_

_“Really, princess?”_

_“Really, Dopey.”_

_He smiled. “I’m glad you liked it.”_

_“No, I love it.”_

_They were almost reached Im’s house. Yugyeom’s steps were steady and he didn’t sound breathless. His best friend was so strong and Bambam liked him a lot._

_“Princess?”_

_“Ugh, stop calling me that.”_

_“But you are a princess tonight!”_

_“Fine, Dopey.”_

_“Good.”_

_Yugyeom bounced him up higher to steady his position._

_“So?”_

_“So, princess,” Yugyeom said teasingly. “Merry Christmas.”_

_“Merry Christmas.” He said. “Thank you for tonight. You saved me, Dopey.”_

_“My pleasure, princess.”_

_That night when they finally arrived at home, Jinyoung and Mark nearly fainted when they saw them. Yugyeom and Bambam felt guilty for making their mother cried. Jaebum and Jackson looked tensed but they didn’t scold them. Instead, their father told them to go upstairs._

_Yugyeom and Bambam apologized before they ran to Bambam’s room. That night, as they snuggling together in Bambam’s warm bed, they were talking all night long. They talked about their stupid costumes, the stupid drama, their parents, and about their teachers. They talked until they eventually fell asleep, feeling perfectly content in each other's arms._

_That night was one of the best moments in Bambam’s life._

* * *

 

“Bam, are you okay?”

Bambam blinked his eyes. He didn’t realize that he had been spacing out. He turned to his brother and nodded woodenly.

“Yeah.” He said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. I’m not going to ask again.”

“Good.”

 

They didn’t talk again. Bambam’s mind drifted back to that night.

Bambam remembered a lot of things from that night. He remembered there were Christmas trees everywhere. He could smell gingerbread and hot chocolate in the air. It smelled so, so good. There were a lot of people on the streets, celebrating Christmas with friends and families. There were laughter and joy and happiness.

But Bambam also remembered Yugyeom’s stupid dwarf costume. He looked ridiculous and fat. He remembered his stupid grin and his stupid laugh. He looked so chubby when he laughed and his cheeks were so squishy. He remembered how happy he was when Yugyeom held his hands tightly, swaying it slightly in the air. He remembered feeling so warm despite the cold weather. He remembered his heart beating so loud in his ears.

He also remembered looking at Yugyeom’s stupid face and he felt all zingy from head to toe. And then there was this silence. An odd, magical silence. It was like the world stopped turning just for them.

Bambam didn't know what kind of silence it was but as the magical silence embraced him, his breath stopped beating for a moment and suddenly his world only revolved around him. At that time, nothing mattered but he and his best friend. Just the two of them against the world.

The thoughts made Bambam slumped deeper into his seat.

Where was he? Why he didn’t come to rescue Bambam from this stupid Christmas like he used to do in the annual school drama?

He missed his best friend. He missed Yugyeom so much it hurt. 

 

* * *

 


	11. His Cause and Effect

* * *

Bambam had everything planned.

Tomorrow was his 19th birthday and Bambam decided to fly to Los Angeles to surprise his best friend. It’s been a year but Yugyeom hadn’t come home yet. He didn’t show up at all during the holidays. And let’s not forget that he didn’t show up at Bambam’s birthday last year. And tomorrow was his birthday. Bambam knew Yugyeom would not come so he decided to visit him instead. It would be a surprise visit. It was a secret. And that meant no one knew about his plans. Not even Hyunjin.

Bambam was ecstatic. He couldn’t wait to see his best friend again. Yes, he missed him. Yes, he couldn’t wait to meet him again. The thought of meeting his best friend again made his entire body brightened.

Bambam already bought a ticket yesterday. His flight was at nine in the morning. It was weekdays and he was supposed to attend his classes but here he was, sitting in the VIP section of Korean Air 17 making its way to LAX.

12 hours. He had to be patient for 12 more hours before he would finally meet his best friend again.

 

* * *

 

It was supposed to be another boring day for Yugyeom. He woke up early as usual and prepared his own breakfast. His grandparents were currently in Russia for a business trip. Yugyeom was alone for the next two weeks.

He went to campus at 12. He only had one class today but Yugyeom was planning to spend the rest of his day on the dance studio to practice the new choreography he had created last week.

After his class had ended, he quickly went to the dance studio. By the time he arrived there, it was empty. This was good because Yugyeom preferred to dance alone. It helped him to relax and fully concentrate on his dance. He spent hours in there, dancing nonstop. When he finally stopped dancing, his muscles were taut and he was exhausted but completely satisfied.

Yugyeom had just finished taking a shower when his phone vibrated. He glanced at his phone and frowned when Jinyoung’s name flashed on the screen.

 

_“Umma?”_

Jinyoung sighed in relief and Yugyeom immediately knew something was off.

_“Yugyeomie, please tell Umma you are with Bambam right now.”_

Yugyeom’s body went rigid at the mention of his best friend’s name.

_“Umma, what do you mean? What about Bambam?”_

A long silence.          

 

_“You’re not with Bambam.”_ Jinyoung deadpanned.

Yugyeom froze.

_“Is he….”_

_“Oh, God. Oh, God.”_

_“Umma, breathe. Breathe.”_

_“Yugyeom, he should be in LA right now. He said he wanted to visit you there! He wanted to celebrate his birthday with you!”_

 

Yugyeom’s heart stopped. Jinyoung started to cry.

 

_“Umma,”_ he finally managed to talk. _“I will go home right away. I promise you he will be fine. Please, don’t cry.”_

Jinyoung sobbed. _“Yugyeomie, please take care of him.”_

_“I will, Umma. I will.”_

_“Okay. I love you, baby.”_

_“I love you too, Umma.”_

 

Yugyeom hung up the phone and cursed loudly. He quickly grabbed his bag and ran out of the room.

 

* * *

 

Bambam didn’t have a problem finding Yugyeom’s house because he used to come here for holidays when they were still kids. He walked to the front porch and his heart sank when he saw the lights were off, a sign that no one was home at the moment.

Bambam sighed. He slid down on the top step, leaning his head against the banister. It was 10 p.m. He was jetlagged and tired. He hadn’t eaten anything on the plane and now his stomach was growling angrily. He clutched his belly and put his head between his legs.

His excitement died down and he started to sob. Hot, big, and fat tears rolled down his cheeks.

 

“Stupid Yugyeom!” he hiccupped. “Where are you? Why aren’t you here?”

He looked around and sobbed harder because there was no one here. Yugyeom was nowhere in sight.

“I came all the way here to meet you!” he started to ramble in between his tears. “You—hiks—never come home. And I decided to visit you here. How dare you, Wang Yugyeom. How—hiks—could you do this to me. I am your best friend! But it looks like—hiks—you already forgot about me.”

 

He rubbed his eyes with his palm angrily, still sobbing.

 

“I hate—hiks—you. You are so stupid. Hiks—Yugyeom, where are youuu?”

Bambam started to wail and cried louder.  

“Where—hiks—are—you—“

“I’m here, silly.”

 

Bambam’s heart stopped. He lifted his head up and found Yugyeom standing five feet away from him, breathless.

Yugyeom.

His name exploded inside of him like canon fire. Bambam blinked the tears away from his eyes but he still couldn’t see his face clearly. His mind throbbed and suddenly he felt that the distance between them was too close, too far, too close.

His best friend was right here. He was right there. Until that moment, Bambam honestly didn't know if he believed that he'd see him tonight.

Yugyeom stared at him.

Bambam returned the stare and his senses surge.   

 

“Yugyeom,” he whispered. His heart was beating in his ears, his lungs, and his throat.

 

Yugyeom took big steps forward him. Bambam’s breath hitched.

The distance between them slowly disappeared with each step that Yugyeom took toward him. He reached out for Bambam.

And finally, finally Bambam was in his arms again.

 

* * *

 

Yugyeom didn’t say anything as he led him inside. Bambam followed him wordlessly. He was frustrated. His best friend was furious at him and he didn’t even want to look at him.

Bambam knew that he was at fault but that didn’t mean Yugyeom could ignore him like this. Not after what he had been through to come here. So when Yugyeom told him to sit down on the couch, he didn’t budge. 

 

Yugyeom narrowed his eyes at him. “Kunpimook, sit down.”

“No.”

“ _What?_ ”

“I said no!” he yelled. His body trembled and his eyes brimmed with tears again. But Yugyeom stood there, his gaze unwavering.

“Sit.”

“I’m not a dog! You can’t tell me what to do.”

 

Yugyeom closed his eyes for what felt like an eternity. The muscles in his neck were tense and rigid. He opened his eyes again and stared at Bambam.

 

“Do you know how much trouble you’ve caused by coming here without telling me first? You should have told me! Your mother called me you know! He was worried sick about you. I’m worried about you. Goddamn it, Bambam. What if something happens to you? What should I say to your parents? Did you even think—“

“I didn’t think, okay? I DIDN’T THINK!”

 

A long pause.

Bambam looked at his best friend, desperate and hurt.

 

“You’re mean,” he whispered and Yugyeom’s heart instantly clenched. He wanted to take a step forward but Bambam took a step behind.

“You’re mean.” He repeated. “I hate you.”

“I know.”

Bambam look at Yugyeom through his wet lashes, sniffling.

“It’s my birthday. I came here to celebrate my birthday with you but look what you did to me. You’re so mean.”

“I know.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

 

Silence.

And then, Bambam spoke in a very low voice.

 

“Yugyeom, are we still friends?”

Yugyeom froze. Something deep inside him twitched in an unpleasant way when he saw Bambam’s face grew so hurt and twisted.   

“Am I still your best friend?” he repeated.

 

Yugyeom took a step forward and this time Bambam remained in his place. He took another step, and another, and another until he stood right in front of his best friend. Yugyeom took on of Bambam’s hands and led him to the couch. He settled him there and then he knelt in front of him.

Bambam looked down at his hands, avoiding Yugyeom’s eyes.

 

“I’m sorry.” He said guiltily. 

“You never come home.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not even when I ask you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I hate you.”

“I hate myself even more now.”

 

Bambam lifted his head and looked at his best friend. For a moment they looked at each other in silence.

 

“I missed you,” he whispered. He brought one of his hands to his face and touched his cheek, brushing it softly with his fingers. “I missed my best friend.”

Yugyeom’s eyes stung with tears. He took one of Bambam’s hands and gripped it tightly.

“I missed you, too.”

“Yugyeom,” he burst into tears again. “ _Yugyeom._ ”

“I’m here,” he whispered. “I’m here, Bam.”

 

His tears exploded into gut-wrenching sobbed. And then he sobbed hysterically. Yugyeom pulled him against his chest, hugging him tightly. Bambam clutched his shirt. His hands throb from gripping it so hard. But he didn’t care. Not when Yugyeom was here and he could hear his heart beat against his ear.

 

“Yu—gyeom—“

“Ssh,” he said. “Don’t say anything.”

 

Yugyeom wrapped his arms around Bambam and he held him as if he was about to fly away with the wind. He held him until their heart stopped pounding so furiously. He held him until they could breathe again.

When Bambam finally stopped crying, he pulled back and lifted his head up to see his best friend’s face. There was a lump in his throat but Bambam couldn't force it down. Suddenly, the house vanished and the voices disappear. Their eyes remained locked and Bambam could hear his heart thumped harder.

Yugyeom took Bambam’s face in his hand and he gently nudged his nose against his.

 

“Hey, birthday boy.”

Bambam chuckled.

“I am not a boy anymore.”

Yugyeom laughed.

“You’re right,” he said. “I got you a present but I don’t have a cake.”

“That’s okay. I don’t need one.”

“You still have to make a wish.”

“Fine. You’re so pushy.”

“Shut up. Close your eyes.”

 

Bambam closed his eyes. He was silent for a whole minute and when he opened his eyes again, he found Yugyeom staring at him fondly.

 

“Is there something you want on your birthday?”

Bambam looked at him and smiled.

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

 

A pause.

And then he took Yugyeom’s hand and gripped it tightly.

 

“My best friend.” He whispered. “I want my best friend on my birthday.”

His words stopped Yugyeom’s heart. And the look in his eyes stopped his world. For a moment, he couldn’t speak.

“I want my best friend.” He repeated, gripping Yugyeom’s finger like his life depended on it. He sounded so scared and it broke Yugyeom’s heart.

“Can I?”

 

Yugyeom didn’t answer him. Instead, he lunged forward and gently planted a kiss on his forehead.

That night, as Yugyeom once again pulled him against his chest, Bambam wished he could be with his best friend forever.

 

* * *

 


	12. Misadventure

* * *

The next morning, Bambam woke up to Yugyeom’s smiling face. He blinked and stared at his friend silently, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t just another dream. His best friend was right here in front of him. That meant last night was real.

He was real. Bambam wasn’t dreaming.

 

“Yugyeom, is that you?”

Yugyeom laughed.

“Yes, it’s me. Wake up, midget.”

“No~” he whined. “I still want to sleep~”

“Come one. I will carry you to the bathroom.”

 

Bambam stretched out his hands and Yugyeom instantly took it. He wrapped his hands around his neck and his legs around his waist, clinging to his best friend like a koala. Yugyeom put his hands around his back, bouncing him up a little as he walked to the bathroom.

They were back like they used to be and it felt like nothing had happened before.

 

“I forgot to ask you yesterday. Where are your grandparents?”

“They’re on a business trip.”

“So, you’re alone?”

“Yes.”

“I can cook for breakfast.”

 

Yugyeom settled him on the closet and knelt on one knee in front of him. He looked at him with an amusement look.

 

“You? Cooking?”

Bambam pouted.

“I can cook, you know!”

 

A pause.

Yugyeom bit his lip, shooting him an apologetic look.

 

“I didn’t know that.”

Bambam smiled. “I just learned it recently.”

Yugyeom smiled back at him.

“All right, then.”

“Well, Mr. Giant. I need to pee first. And then brush my teeth. And then take off my clothes. And then take a shower. And—“

“Stop!” Yugyeom laughed. They laughed together. “Fine, midget. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

 

A few minutes later, Bambam was busy cooking for breakfast meanwhile Yugyeom sat on the stool, silently looking at his backside. It still felt surreal for him, seeing his best friend again after months. Yugyeom didn’t think he could see his best friend again. But when he saw him last night, sitting on the top step, crying his name out, a thousand bottled emotions explode inside him. He was struck by a twinge of pain and he almost couldn’t handle it. But he missed him. He missed him so much it hurt. He had been pretending that he was okay without him. And then Bambam showed up at the front porch of his house and Yugyeom knew that his feeling hadn’t changed at all. Not even a slightest. And it honestly made him frustrated and angry with himself.

 

“Gyeom?”

Yugyeom blinked.

“Yes?”

“You’re staring.”

 

He smiled sheepishly. He rubbed the back of his neck, a small gesture of nervous.

 

“Sorry. It’s just… you’re cooking. In my kitchen.”

Bambam laughed.

“Is that really weird for you?”

“No. It’s just… new.”

 

Bambam was about to answer him when suddenly there was a knock on the front door.

“I’ll get it.” Bambam said before Yugyeom got a chance to say something.

He jogged to the front and swung it opened. But what he found in front of him made him stunned.

He shuttered, “Chaeyoung?”

 

* * *

 

She was Son Chaeyoung. She was their junior in high school. And she was here. In front of Yugyeom’s house, looking as shocked as Bambam.

What the hell was happening?

 

“Bambam Oppa?”

“Chaeyoung?”

 

They were staring at each other, mouth slightly opened. A moment later Yugyeom showed up from behind. Bambam could hear him swore under his breath.

 

“Chaeyoung-ah,” Yugyeom called, his voice sounded stiff.

 

Chaeyoung lifted his head up and his face quickly brightened when she saw Yugyeom. Bambam could feel something inside him twitched. That girl was clearly and obviously still in love with his best friend.

But that wasn’t important now. Why was she here?

 

“You guys…” Bambam started, but he didn’t really know how to continue his sentence. He looked at Chaeyoung warily and then looked at his best friend, silently demanding for an answer.

 

“Bambam-ah,” he started slowly. And then he moved toward Chaeyoung, leaning slightly against her and suddenly Bambam wanted to throw up. His heart sank when Yugyeom put his arms around her shoulder, tugging her closer.

 

“Bam, you remember Chaeyoung? She is my girlfriend.”

 

And that’s enough for Bambam to turn around and ran toward his room.

 

* * *

 

Girlfriend. She was his girlfriend. Son Chaeyoung, the one who used to give his best friend love letters every week was now his girlfriend. How could that happen? When did that happen? Why didn’t Yugyeom tell him? Why Yugyeom never say anything about her?

Bambam felt a stab of betrayal. Was he nobody now? Were they no longer best friend who shared secrets? He couldn’t think straight. By the time he was inside the room, his hands blindly reaching for his back. His vision blurring of tears but he didn’t care. He needed to get the hell out of here. He didn’t want to see Yugyeom. He wanted to go home.

 

“Bambam!”

Yugyeom barged into the room and gasped when he saw Bambam packing his clothes.

“Bam, we need to talk.” He said slowly, trying to reach for him but Bambam slapped his hands away.

 

He turned around and Yugyeom’s heart shattered when he saw his tears.

 

“What else do we need to talk?” he said in between his tears. “That you have a girlfriend for who the fuck knows how long and you didn’t tell me, your best friend? Actually Wang Yugyeom, ever since you moved in here, I don’t even know if we’re still best friend.”

“What do you mean? Of course we still are!”

“Then why you didn’t tell me about her?”

 

Yugyeom gritted his teeth. Suddenly he looked defensive.

 

“I’m busy. I don’t really have time to talk about it.”

“Oh, really? Then do you know that I broke up with Junho months ago?”

 

Yugyeom was thrown.

 

“ _What?_ When? Why you didn’t tell me?”   

“I’m busy. I don’t really have time to talk about him.” His voice was curt as he threw back his own words.

 

There was a mock in his tone and Bambam could see how Yugyeom’s face twisted with hurt. But he’d hurt too. He knew he should shut his mouth and didn’t say anything else because it would turn into an ugly fight. They rarely fight. They were best friends but after what just happened, part of Bambam wanted to hurt him. And for some reason, now that Bambam had started, he couldn't hold back.

 

“You lied to me. You didn’t tell me anything about her. And honestly, I know nothing about what you’re doing here except that now you’re studying business.”

“I’ve got my hands full of things, okay?”

“Bullshit!” Bambam cut him off, bursting into tears again.

 

It was a lie. He knew it was a lie.

 

“So you don’t have time to keep me update on your life but you fucking have time to find yourself a fucking girlfriend?”

“Don’t insult her. And I don’t have to ask for your permission to get myself a girlfriend. My world doesn’t revolve around you.”

 

It was a sword through the chest. Bambam found himself stumbled back, didn’t expect to hear it from him. Yugyeom looked stunned with his own words. He realized that he had taken it too far.

 

“Bam—“

“Don’t,” he stopped him, stepping backward. His face went blank and his body looked lifeless. “You’re right.”

“No—“

“You don’t need my permission for everything and your world certainly doesn’t revolve around me. Because, who am I? I am just your best friend.”

 

His voice cracked, hollow and desperate. Yugyeom tried to reach his hands, but Bambam pulled them both into his chest.  

 

“Bam, please.” he pleaded for something he didn’t know. But he knew he was going to lose him and Yugyeom wasn’t ready for that.

“I’m going home.”

Now Yugyeom was crying too.

“No. Bam, please. No—“

Bambam felt like his chest was splitting in two when he finally spoke again.

“I just missed my best friend, that’s all. I missed the old you.”

 

And then he was gone, leaving Yugyeom alone in his room.

 

* * *

 

After 12 painful hours of the plane ride, Bambam finally arrived in front of his house. He ran to the front door, slamming it open and ran inside without closing it.

His family was having a dinner and they were startled and shocked to see Bambam entered the house, crying loudly. Jinyoung was quick to get up from his seat but Bambam wasn’t ready to meet anyone, not when he couldn’t even think or speak.

 

“Bambam, why are you here? Where's Yugyeom? Oh god, what happened? Are you okay, baby? Are you hurt?”

 

His questions all came out once but Bambam couldn't bring himself to answer his mother. He raced up to his room and slammed the door shut, not letting anyone in.

He threw his body on the bed, crying his eyes out. The memory of Yugyeom was still bitter and strong.

Why?

Bambam just wanted to know why he didn't tell her about his new girlfriend. Why he didn't tell him about anything. He wondered what went wrong between them. They were fine before. But then his best friend moved to LA and they never talk again. And just like that, they drifted.  

Thinking about his best friend made his chest tightened and he couldn’t breathe.

 

“Bambam, baby?”

Bambam froze when he heard his mother’s voice. He didn’t move. His room was dark. He couldn’t see anything but he could hear his footsteps approaching and then he could feel his presence beside him.

“Baby, are you okay?”

 

Bambam melted into his mother’s tender touch. He turned around and found his mother sitting on the edge of the bed.

 

“I know you’re not in the mood to talk but Umma just worried about you. Are you okay, baby?”

No. He wasn’t. His just fought with his best friend and Bambam was certain their friendship was over.

“You don’t have to tell me. But please let me stay here with you, honey.”

 

Bambam reached out to his mother and Jinyoung climbed on the bed. When he was safely in his mother’s arms, Bambam couldn’t help but cry. He cried and cried and somewhere in between he finally told his mother everything that had happened to him and Yugyeom.

Jinyoung was silent for a long time. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

 

“Honey,” he started. “Your father and I never want to interfere in your love life but it seems like you missed something important here.”  

Bambam looked at his mother confusedly.

“What do you mean, Umma?”

 

Jinyoung sighed. And the look on Jinyoung's face meant he'd rather disappear than said what he was about to say.

 

“Honey, you’re upset not because he didn’t tell you that he has a girlfriend.”

“Of course I am! Umma, what are you talking about?”

“Bambam, honey,” he said, his voice soft and tender. “You’re jealous. And you don’t even know that you love your best friend, right?”

“ _What?_ ”

 

Bambam was completely thrown by his mother’s words. For a moment he couldn’t speak. No, he wasn’t jealous. And no, he didn’t love his best friend.

But why did his chest felt so hurt right now?

 

“We all know, honey,” his mother whispered. “And I know you do. You’re just afraid to admit it.”

 

Bambam’s eyes brimmed with tears.

Of course his mother was right. Of course he knew about his own feelings. Bambam wasn’t completely dense and oblivious. He knew why Hyunjin was upset when he was in a relationship with Junho. His brother had been trying to knock some sense into his head but he was just so stubborn. And he was afraid. He wasn’t ready to admit it because he didn’t know what would happen to their friendship if Bambam confessed his feeling to his best friend.

Bambam had been lying to himself for God knows how long. He lied when he said that he didn’t have a plan for his future. The truth was, he had. But his best friend was always in the picture. Bambam had a plan for himself but it always involved Yugyeom in it. His best friend was always in his plans, in his future, but when he left, everything was no longer concrete.

He was afraid to take the risks. He was afraid that he might lose him if he was being honest with himself. But those weren’t important now. Yugyeom had a girlfriend. He had Chaeyoung. He didn’t need him anymore.

Bambam was already late.

 

* * *

 


	13. Lost and Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go guys. I hope you guys enjoy this ♡

* * *

It’s been three months and Yugyeom never once called him. This gaping, bloody, and open wound—the wound that he created—still rubbed him raw. Bambam tried to convince himself that this was right in the first place.  After all, he was the first one who walked away. And Yugyeom was moving on. Bambam wish that he could move on. But he couldn’t. Not after he realized that he had been in love with his best friend this whole time.  

At night, he would close his eyes and imagine Yugyeom’s stupid face and his stupid laughter that never fail to make him happy, pretending that their friendship was fine. But when he woke up in the morning, the pain was still there. And he realized that his best friend wasn’t there with him. Their friendship was over.

Bambam knew it wasn’t entirely Yugyeom’s fault. He was at fault too. But things had changed pretty quickly and he just didn’t know how to handle it. Sometimes Bambam wished he didn't know about Chaeyoung at all. He wished he didn't know that she was his girlfriend now because after that night in LA, he couldn't stop thinking about Yugyeom and his girlfriend. He tried not to think about how they probably did something... intimate as a couple. But his stomach would twitch in an unpleasant way and he felt miserable to just think about it.

His family didn’t say anything about his current state. Even Hyunjin managed to keep his mouth shut until now. He didn’t throw any snarky comments and he didn’t tease him. Bambam made sure he was presentable enough in front of his family in order to make them stop worrying about him. It wasn’t like the end of the world.

But why did it felt like it?

The fact that Yugyeom didn’t even call him, not even once, hurt him more than admitting his own feeling for his best friend. He wished he was brave enough to make the first move. Bambam wished Yugyeom would call him.

But he didn’t.

 

* * *

 

Bambam was tired. He had four classes today and all he wanted to do right now was come home and sleep. He called Hyunjin earlier, asking his brother to pick him up but he couldn’t. Apparently, Thursday was his brother’s soccer day and Hyunjin wasn’t going to ditch soccer just to pick him up.

And that’s how Bambam found himself at the bus stop, waiting for the next bus to come. He sat there silently, completely alone. A few minutes later, a bus stopped in front of him. He waited for the people inside to get out first.

But then, he saw her. And his breath hitched.

Son Chaeyoung was right there, standing in front of him.   

 

“Chae-Chaeyoung?” it came out in a whisper.

What was she doing here?

“Bambam Oppa,” she gave him a stiff smile, looking as shocked but managed to keep her straight face. Her voice was flat when he spoke.

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Bambam didn’t answer her. He just stared at him.

“I just arrived here yesterday. There’s something I need to do.” she added.

 

Bambam just nodded. He didn’t know how to have a normal conversation with her even though she was Yugyeom’s girlfriend.

Right. She was Yugyeom’s girlfriend. Did she come here with Yugyeom?

 

“Where’s Yugyeom?” he just blurted out and immediately regretted it. He shouldn’t have asked.

She looked surprised. “He didn’t tell you?”

Bambam looked confused. What? What happened?

She sighed.

“He was miserable, you know.” she started. Bambam could only look at her, confused. “After you left him, he was such a mess. I know from the very beginning that I could never replace you but I was just stubborn. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend. I asked him to give me a chance and he agreed. He was desperate. He wanted to forget you. He tried so hard but then you showed up again and he lost it.”

 

Bambam’s heart stopped instantly.  

 

“I love him,” she added. “But he was miserable with me. He wants you, not me. And it pains me to see him like that. I just want him to be happy.”

“Chaeyoung…”

She smiled sadly and it felt like a stab in his heart.

“He loves you so much,” she whispered. “I hope the two of you stop being stupid.”

 

And then, just like that, she left.

Bambam had to sit back down again because it was hard to breathe. He still couldn’t comprehend the whole situation. What was she trying to say? Yugyeom loved him? What kind of a joke was that?

No, Yugyeom didn’t love him. He didn’t, right?

 

“Bambam-ah.”

 

Bambam lifted his head up and his world immediately stopped.

Yugyeom. His best friend. He was there, standing only a few feet away from him. It looked as if he was so grateful to see him that he was in physical pain. Suddenly, everything around them disappeared. Their eyes remained locked as Yugyeom walked toward him. Closer. And closer.

And there was he. Right in front of Bambam.

They took each other in. Bambam’s mind throbbed. He tried to comprehend the surreal fact that now he was here. His best friend that he had fallen in love with since they were still kids. It took him a while but now Bambam could admit it openly.

Yugyeom. How much he loved him. He loved Yugyeom. He loved him so much it physically hurt him. He had always loved him. And he knew he would always love him.

 

“Hey,” Yugyeom said nervously. It felt so good to hear his voice again after three whole months.

“Hey.”

 

Silence.

 

“You’re home.” Bambam said.

Yugyeom waited a moment before answering.

“Yes.”

“I bumped into Chaeyoung just a few minutes ago.”

 

Yugyeom looked surprised. But then he bit his lips, looking uncertain. He looked so vulnerable.

 

“Did she… say something to you?”

“Yes.”

 

A long pause.

 

“You weren’t coming home for her, were you?”

“No.”

“You came home for me.”

“Yes.”

 

They were quiet again. Bambam held out his hand.

 

“Then take me home.”

 

* * *

 

“ _What the actual fuck_.”  

Im Hyunjin cursed loudly as soon as he opened the door. His mouth twitched when he saw Yugyeom standing next to his brother.

“Hyunjinie, who—“

Jinyoung’s step came to a halt. He gasped when he saw Yugyeom. And soon, Jaebum showed up behind his husband and looked equally stunned to see Yugyeom again.

“Move, Hyunjin.”

 

Bambam walked passed his brother. Yugyeom remained in his place. He stood awkwardly, looking at Bambam’s family with an apologetic look.

 

Bambam turned around and narrowed his eyes at him.

“Are you going to just stand there or come inside?”

“U-uh…”

Jinyoung quickly beckoned him inside. He smiled warmly.

“Come inside, Yugyeomie. It’s been awhile.”

 

Yugyeom finally moved and came inside. It’s been awhile since the last time he came here. It felt strange but familiar at the same time.

It was awfully quiet as they gathered in the living room. Jinyoung and Jaebum sat next to each other. Bambam sat next to Yugyeom while Hyunjin stood behind his parents with arms crossed. He glared at Yugyeom.

 

“When did you arrive here, Gyeomie?” Jinyoung asked.

“This morning.”

Jaebum cleared his throat and finally spoke.

“How long will you stay here?”

Yugyeom glanced Bambam warily.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“Then what the hell are you doing here?”

“Im Hyunjin, language!”

 

Jinyoung shoot his youngest a warning look but Hyunjin still glaring at Yugyeom.

 

“Umma, we can’t just let him stay here after what he did to Bambam.”

“Hyunjin, I never teach you to be rude.” Jinyoung said in a firm tone. “Apologize.”

“No.” Hyunjin said. “He should be the one to do that.”

“Hyunjin-ah—“

“No, Appa. He is right.” Yugyeom said. “I came here to apologize to Bambam. Can I talk to him alone?”

Bambam invisibly tensed when Yugyeom glanced at him. He remained silent.

“Okay,” Jaebum said, letting out a sigh. “Bam, take him upstairs.”

 

Bambam just nodded woodenly. As they walked to his room, he realized that it was the time to be honest with each other. No more lying or running.

 

* * *

 

It was very quiet and awkward for a very long moment.

Bambam sat on the edge of the bed and Yugyeom stood in front of him. They didn’t look at each other. The air was suffocating. Bambam couldn’t stop fidgeting but finally, finally Yugyeom took three steps forward and fell to his knees.

Bambam gasped but didn’t say anything. Yugyeom’s hands twitched, it looked like he wanted to touch Bambam but didn’t have the courage to do so.

 

“Bambam-ah,” he started quietly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to you. It was cruel. I was cruel and stupid.”

Bambam nodded but still didn’t want to look at him.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I hurt you.”

 

There was a long pause.

 

“Yugyeom?”

“Yes?”

“Tell me the real reason why you decided to move to LA.”

Yugyeom swallowed. He finally moved his hand and took one of Bambam’s hands in his, holding it against his chest.

“I was afraid,” he whispered. “I didn't have enough courage to be by your side as a best friend. I don’t want to be just your best friend. I want more than that but I didn’t know what to do. And then you were with Junho and I never felt so helpless in my life before. I decided to go because I wanted to forget you. I tried, Bam. I tried so hard but I just couldn’t get you out of my head. It made me frustrated and angry. And when you showed up at my front door that night, I knew I could never do that. I could never forget you because the truth is, I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”

 

Yugyeom looked at him and the intensity of his eyes made his heart shuttered.

 

“You… love me?” it came out in a whispered.

“Im Bambam,” he whispered back, his voice soft and tender. “I’ve been in love with you for my entire life.”

The sound of Bambam’s heart was loud inside his ears. He extended shaky fingers to touch Yugyeom’s jaw, stroking it gently.

“You love me?”

“Yes.”

“But I’m chatty. Short. Tan. Skinny. Noisy. Pushy—“

 

Yugyeom lunged forward and gave him a peck on the lips to shut him up. Bambam closed his mouth, blushing. They stared at each other.

It was their first kiss.

Their face flushed.

 

“Midget,” he said fondly. “You’re delightfully screwy and I wouldn’t have you any other way. I love you just the way you are.”

Bambam finally smiled. His eyes brimmed with tears.

“Can I say something?”

“Yes.”

Bambam put his around Yugyeom’s neck, drawing him closer to his face. He smiled and whispered into his lips.

“Wang Yugyeom, I love you too.”

 

And then he pulled him up into him and when their lips finally met, Bambam just knew that this time it would last. Their love would last forever.

Yugyeom kissed him with everything that has been building inside of him, everything since he moved in LA, everything since their childhood. His tongue found his and their heart beat faster and faster. Yugyeom pushed him to the bed and then he was on him. Their kiss grew hotter until they burst apart from breathlessness. Yugyeom smiled dizzily and touched his swollen lips. He pressed his forehead against Bambam’s.

 

“I can’t believe I’m allowed to do this now. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.”

Bambam laughed. He put his hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

“Bam?”

“Hm?”

“Do you believe in second chances?”

 

He was silent for a moment before he nodded.

 

“Yes. If the person is right.”

Yugyeom looked down at him. He smiled.

“If the person is… Yugyeom?”

Bambam smiled back at him.

“If the other person is Bambam, then yes.”

 

They stared at each other and smiled. Their hearts were playing the same song. Finally, they beat the same wild rhythm.

 

* * *

 


	14. At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the last chapter of head over heels. I sincerely wanted to say thank you, thank you, and thank you for all your supports. I had so much fun writing this story. Thank you so much for all the comments, kudos, and bookmarks. You guys are the sweetest ♡

* * *

Yugyeom and Bambam came downstairs a few minutes later and found all of their family members were already there. Mark and Jinyoung screamed when they saw their intertwined hands. Jackson and Jaebum shared a knowing glance. Youngjae laughed in delight meanwhile Hyunjin scowled at them.

 

“Oh my god!” Jinyoung squealed, gripping Mark’s hands tightly. “Look at them! They’re finally official!”

Mark laughed.

“Yes, finally.”

“Took them long enough,” Jackson added. “I was disappointed when Yugyeom didn’t make a move before that Junho guy.”

“Right,” Youngjae giggled. “He was heartbroken and jealous.”

“No, I wasn’t!” Yugyeom chimed in, blushing.

“Yes, you were.” His mother said, looking at him mischievously.

 

Yugyeom groaned.

“I can’t believe this. You guys are the worst.”

“Bamie was also jealous, you know.” Jaebum said. “When you were with Chaeyoung.”

Bambam chocked. “Appa!”

“So, are you still leaving tomorrow?” Hyunjin asked with a flat tone, clearly not amused by the situation, and suddenly the whole room was silent.

 

Bambam looked at his boyfriend—gosh, it felt so, so great to get rid of their best friend label—and his heart grew heavy again. But when Yugyeom turned to Bambam, he was smiling from ear to ear. His grip on Bambam’s hand tightened.

 

“I never bought a ticket.

Bambam gasped. “ _What?_ ”

“I came here for you, silly.”

“But… your school….”

“I took three days off. I’m staying here until Sunday, if you’ll have me. Then I’ll back to the States on Monday.”

 

Bambam’s face brightened.

 

“Yes! Yes, I’ll have you!”

Yugyeom grinned.

“Oh, you will?”

“Of course, dumbass! Where else you would be?”

 

Yugyeom smiled at him. He was right. Where else would he be? Bambam was his home. Always have and always will.

 

* * *

 

Yugyeom was back to the States on Monday. Bambam promised him that he would visit him again as soon as the winter breaks began. That meant three months from now. And here was the hardest part: waiting. Bambam had been waiting for his entire life and now he had to wait again. But he wasn't the only one who was suffering from the situation. Yugyeom also found this long distance relationship was annoying. Now he regretted his decision to study in LA because he was far away from Bambam. He wanted him close. Close enough to always have him in his arms.

They texted each other every single day. Sometimes they talked on the phone but the time differences could be tricky. Seoul was 17 hours ahead of Los Angeles.  But they managed to maintain their communication. Everything was back to normal. Even though they were boyfriends now, they still bickered like kids. Both Bambam and Yugyeom agreed that it felt so good to be more open about their feelings. Now they could express their feeling freely.

When the winter breaks finally began, Bambam quickly bought the ticket to LA. His parents laughed at his eagerness but Bambam couldn’t bring himself to care. He missed Yugyeom. He wanted his boyfriend. He needed him.

Another 12 painful hours on the plane and after what felt like forever, Bambam was finally in front of Yugyeom’s house. He ran to the front porch but suddenly the door was being opened and Yugyeom was there. Yugyeom, his boyfriend.

Bambam ran to him, jumping into his arms. Yugyeom bent his head down and his mouth was fast to found Bambam’s. Suddenly their surroundings were a blur. Yugyeom pushed the door open and tossed his backpack to the floor. They kissed eagerly, fiercely, and urgently. Bambam threw off his winter coat as Yugyeom scrambled out of his thick hoodie. Bambam whined when Yugyeom's tongue touched his. He wanted him closer. He wanted him deeper. He wanted him, wanted him so bad.

 

"Not here," Yugyeom said as he pulled back, breathless. "Not here."

Bambam’s face flushed despite the cold weather.  

"Yugyeom, I want you. Please. I want you. _Now_."

 

Yugyeom took one look at him, swore under his breath, then lifted him into his arms and took the stairs as if he weighed nothing at all. It only took 30 seconds and Bambam finally landed on a huge bed with Yugyeom hovering above him.

 

"I missed you," he nipped at his chin. "I missed you so much, baby.

 

Yugyom kissed the corner of his mouth and then his fingers trailed down as he slowly unzipped his jeans. He removed his t-shirt and soon enough, both of them were bare. Naked. Their kisses were soft. Teasing. Their skin was clammy, and then warm, and then hot. And then their kisses grew longer. Their breathing got faster.

 

"Wait," Yugyeom broke the kiss. He looked down at his boyfriend, looking hesitate now. "This is my first time."

Bambam brought his hands to his face, touching his cheek gently. For some reason, he wanted to cry. He had been waiting for this moment to come for as long as he could remember. And now he finally could be with his best friend and even now, everything still seemed magical to him.  

His eyes were glassy. "Me too," he whispered.

"But I don't have... you know."

Yugyeom’s face quickly flushed. Bambam chuckled.

"That's okay. I'm clean."

"Me too."

"So..."

"So we're going to do it slow," he said, slowly smiling again. He looked confident now. "Real slow and easy."

 

Bambam closed his eyes as Yugyeom slid his hands beneath him, touching him for the first time. His touch was gentle. Bambam's breathe quickly hitched. Yugyeom touched him so gently that he wanted to weep, to squirm.

 

“ _A-ah!_ ”

Bambam let out a moan when Yugyeom glided his fingers over his core. Back and forth, then again. And again.

"More," he gasped for air. "More, _please_."

"Ssh, baby," he said and kept up that light touch, opening him a little more with each pass of his fingers, spreading his wetness until he was writhing beneath him.

"Yugyeom—“

"Breathe, baby. Breathe."

 

Bambam didn't even realize that he had been holding his breath. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As deep as he was able. When Yugyeom finally pressed against him, deep inside him, Bambam let out a broken moan. It felt so good, so intense that he cried out. He cupped Yugyeom’s face, slid his fingers into his hair, and beamed up at him. God, Bambam loved him so much.

Yugyeom set an achingly slow rhythm, letting himself get lost in his eyes as he moved on him, feeling each emotion as it shimmered through him. He struggled to breathe. He groaned and continued to move in and out of his, harder now, faster. And then Bambam came, his eyes filled with an endearing surprise as his body clenched around him. Just watching Bambam sent Yugyeom spiraling. It began deep inside, racing through his body and he dropped his head with a rough groan, burying his face in the curve of his neck as he completely lost himself.

 

* * *

 

A moment later, when Bambam opened his eyes, he was lying on top of him, clinging to his boyfriend with a quiet desperation.

 

“You okay, baby?”

Bambam blushed. “Y-yes.”

He lifted his head look into his eyes.

“You sure?”

“Yes, giant. I'm perfectly fine.”

Yugyeom smiled at him.

“Good.”

 

Bambam slumped bonelessly against him again. They were quiet for a long moment after that. Bambam had no idea how much time passed, but the next moment, Yugyeom was cradling him against his side, lightly stroking his back from the nape of his neck down his spine, over his bottom and the backs of his thighs, then up again as their breathing slowed.

Bambam lifted his head to look at Yugyeom. His eyes were closed, body relaxed. He looked so peaceful.

 

Yugyeom opened his eyes.

“What?”

Bambam shook his head.

“Nothing.”

 

Reaching up, Bambam tugged on a strand of his hair, mouth quirking into a soft smile. When Yugyeom tried to move his legs, Bambam winced. His boyfriend instantly looked guilty.

 

“I'm sorry, baby.” he said. “I'll run a warm bath for you.”

Bambam gave him a tiny whimper.

“Don't gooooo~”

Yugyeom chuckled. "Okay, okay.”

Bambam snuggled closer to him.

“Stay.”

Yugyeom kissed his forehead gently.

“I’m wherever you are.”

 

Bambam let out a relieved breath, one hand clutching his arms.

 

“Bam?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” Yugyeom started in a low voice. “Two years from now we will graduate from college, right? I have a plan.”

“What is it?”

“Baba has a small company here. He wanted me to take over. I’m planning to work here after I graduate. I want to expand the company and make it big. Do you want to move in with me? Here, in LA? I mean, I’m saving my money to buy a new house for us—wait, baby, are you crying?”

 

Yugyeom looked down and found his boyfriend was sobbing quietly against his chest, looking so small and cute. He wiped his tears gently.

 

“Hey, don’t cry.”

“It’s just…” he sobbed louder, struggling to speak. “I didn’t expect you to include me in your future plans.”

Yugyeom looked thrown.

“Bam, you are my future. You are the most important part of my future plans.”

“Re-really?”

“Really, baby.”

 

Bambam slowly wrapped his arms around his broad shoulders, pressed his wet face to his throat and kissed him there, loving how his arms tightened around him.

 

“I love you so much, Yugyeom.” He whispered. His heart felt full.

“I love you too. Please, say yes, Bam.” 

Bambam lifted his face and smiled.

“Yes.”

“To what?”

“To everything.”

 

Yugyeom leaned down to kiss him again, soft and gentle. And then they continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of their happiness.

 

* * *

 


End file.
